Leadership: InPower? or EMpower?

With the recent occurrences in our world, I felt compelled to write about the attributes of a true leader in any situation, whether it be in our family, at school, at work, social networks and other places where leadership can elevate or sabotage an event or situation.

In my years of management, I experienced empowering mentors and ineffective mentors.  While the empowering mentors helped me grow, the ineffective ones also taught me a lot about growth in a different manner.

I will share a couple stories that bring out the qualities that make someone ineffective as a leader in an organization, and share other stories that create a spark in the consciousness that make people come alive in a work setting.

file8841263254299I was already a single mom in my 20’s, a budding manager,and excited to help people succeed. I knew I had a lot to learn and looked up to my superiors to teach me the ropes.  What I quickly learned was that not all managers were effective.

Maureen (not her real name) was an experienced nurse in her prime years of care for patients.  She partnered with another nurse and created a successful hospice service to patients experiencing end of life.

Maureen shared with me that the only reason she became a nurse was that she was forced by her parents to choose a profession and that it was mandatory that she attend a prestigious college.  Her decision was to become a nurse because it was the shortest path to gaining a degree that her parents desired for her. This was Maureen’s path.

I attended my interview Maureen and her partner, complete with suit, pumps, and pad and paper for notes. I answered their questions and shared my experience.  I liked the diversity of the two personalities and enjoyed the short conversation.  I walked away from the interview not knowing if I was hired.  Two days later, I received the call:  “You’re hired.”

In my five years with this organization, I created better communication, scheduling practices, and earned the owners’ trust in running the organization in their absence.  But, then the abuse arrived at my door like a thief in the night.

Maureen lived in a world of fear, hatred, and self-doubt.  She was used to gettangry-womaning what she wanted no matter how unrealistic or painful it was for others around her.  She stomped her feat, screamed, and slammed doors.  This was her management style.  The company’s turnover hovered around 75%.  But, I was not a quitter.

I soon became known by my peers as the “whipping post” for everything that went wrong, even though I was not technically overseeing anything, except those I oversaw in a closely controlled, loosely described supervisory role.  I knew this would be the case, but I was just learning and at the bottom rungs of my career.  I could take a little abuse (I had already been there, I thought, with an abusive husband).

One day, Maureen, came to me and openly reversed on a principle that she made known to everyone in the organization.  She told me to do something morally wrong that served her purpose to appear “large” in the eyes of a client, who was well-known in the community.

file4781300045861Humbly, I repeated her principle back to her and she came unglued. Big mistake on my part. Her arms began flailing in the air, her eyes on fire, feet stomping, and her voice raged like the fury of a mother jaguar.  She came at me, all five feet of scrambled wildness to my five foot nine.  She wrinkled her face, lunged up at me, and screamed for over five minutes.  After a minute, it was like hearing the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons: “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.”  Then…silence came.  I drew in a deep breath and without a beat,  calmly asked her if she was finished and said, ” Thank you, may I get back to work, now?”

Maureen spiraled around in a fit of flames, stomped to her office and flung the door shut, creating a jarring slam that I am convinced woke the dead.   Nothing was resolved, and I was still sitting with a dilemma that could have lost us a very valuable account.

This was my first experience with a manager who had no respect for herself or others. She never took time to understand a person or situation before losing her true identity as a caring person (who was, sadly, lost).  There is more to this story, but I digress and put this one on a shelf to tell you about an effective manager.

About ten years later, I was hired as a manager to an international organization that provided internal service to hospitals.  I worked for seven years before making it to corporate management.  Just prior to getting there, I was under the direction of a boss who looked out for people. He helped them become successful.  He asked their opinions, offered engagement in processes.  He valued the people who worked with him. He went by the name Garvey.

Garvey took time with me when I was frustrated that I could not get buy-in from the teams on some of my projects.  He taught me about people and the importance of meeting them where they are.  Further, he saw something in me that I knew, but never really took it to heart.

Garvey asked me, “Do you believe that leaders are created or born?”  I truly believed that leaders could be both.  I believed there were leaders who were ineffective – think Hitler – and those who empowered others -think Mother Teresa.   Garvey and I got along quite well, and he became my professional mentor.  He helped me learn how to take over his job.  I came from the same school of thought – teach others to be at least as successful as me.

One day, I was called into Garvey’s conference room “office.” He traveled to multiple locations within the region.  He said, “shut the door and lock it behind you, we are going to have a discussion.”  Needless to say, I was very concerned. Very…

“Kat,” Garvey said, “I want you to know some things about your management style and what you do with your skills.” Now, I was seriously contemplating handing him a resignation.  “You possess the skills of a leader that I have not seen in a long time.”  As I wiped the sweat from my brow and shook my head, I felt myself looking around to see who he was talking to.  I relaxed into the conversation.

Garvey was talking in a very serious manner.  He had my attention.  “You will be the next regional manager,” he said.  I was speechless.  The silence felt like hours.  I gulped and responded, “But, Garvey, I have no formal degree, or any accounting background, or…”

“Stop,” he said.  “Hear me out. You possess the qualities of a good leader.  You’re not perfect, but you know it.  You set a standard, hold people accountable, but teach them how to be successful. These are the signs of a true leader in my book.”

I nearly cried to hear these words, especially since I recalled the prior conversation when he informed me of his belief that leaders were born.  He really believed that!  So, I sucked up my “girliness” and choked back the tears.  I began to feel my confidence rise with his words.  I felt like I had real purpose in this huge company where employee’s ambitions easily became homogenized, for lack of solid managers to support them.

Later in the year, Garvey retired, and the next director called me into his office.  He said the familiar words I learned about leadership, and I was promoted to the next regional manager -over thirteens states.  My time with Garvey, and other effective mentors along the way, had been fruitful.  I put in the work and it paid off.

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Today, I  have learned so many lessons: from others, and my own shortcomings, as well as the celebrated successes in life and business.  I am now an empowered woman in her golden years, still leading with my love for people and helping them get to a place that brings empowerment to their own lives- a place of happiness and freedom.  I am ever so grateful for the people like Maureen and Garvey who taught me so much about the person I’ve always wanted to be.

 

 

When we empower ourselves, we have completed our own  basic need for attention, the need to feel validated or heard.  We begin to see ourselves in others’ eyes, seeing our own places of opportunity while being grateful to be in the presence of these teachers in our lives.

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Nurturing Voices to be Heard

Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

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Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

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The Silver Lining of my Soul

This week, I was blessed with a visit from a young lady, named Bella, who is about to start her life in the adult world.  She expressed her fears of becoming an adult.  Bella’s fears were simple and reminiscent of when I was her age.   I listened intently as her youthful light shone through her eyes.

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While Bella was excited to step out into the life she had created so far, she was terrified of “growing up.”  Bella feared responsibility and independence because it seemingly lacked freedom from this young view.  She had seen so many of her friends fail at the forefront of their careers and family life.  Bella saw the struggles of her married friends as young parents trying to make ends meet. It all seemed so confining from experiences of life she lived as a child.

But, Bella lent me some insight to her worries,  because I began to recall the same worries at her tender age, and, now in my late 50’s those fears and obstacles were shadows of the past.  However, this young curious woman gave me a new view:  There is more information for this generation than ever before.  Information that can assist them in taking short cuts:  blogs, search engines, libraries, videos, and…the wisdom from their elders.

When Bella came to me, her words made me realize that I had grown into my own wisdom that she sought for herself.  I was flattered.  As we emerged from our chat, mentor to client, we began our curious conversation toward her new outlook on life.

It is to young Bella, I dedicate the poem I wrote this morning.  These words for the little wisdom I had when I was young, facing one tragedy after another; yet, it was not all for nothing as I realized much later in life.

My life and its striving moments has meant something.  And now I see the great moments that have brought me courage, curiosity, and a new vigor for life.  I share this with Bella and see a bright future where she will share the same to inspire others.

I hop0f0d060d4e0cb3ce3c17409e4246694ee this poem will inspire you in some way with just a thought that will bring light to your day.

In my youth, I would fear:
That I will grow old
My body will falter
My hair will  gray
My eyes will  fail
My hearing will wane
I will walk bent over
My hands will tremble
My face will sag
I will forget things
My speech will lag.

In my Golden Years I Know:women-1013116_1920
There’s a new world each day
Filled with hope and surprise
I am thankful for each moment
My eyes are able to see
I am grateful for each day
I feel and I love
I find joy in seeing youth grow
In my heart and in my soul
My body is not important
Because my spirit flows free

The young person in me only saw the outer cover of the core of who I was.  I wanted things, I saw things, I feared things.  There was a lack of love for myself, confidence was low, and my vision was cloudy.   I felt I deserved nothing, but if I looked good no one would notice…never leaving the house without a smile, or nice clothes, or showing up with make-up being perfect, covering the internal…and external…bruises.

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I walked through life only as a shadow of what the world brought to me.  I would react to its harshness,  because, truthfully, my ego was on a mountain shouting its anger and fear.  I traded dignity for ways to be heard and acknowledged, attempting to feel fulfilled.  Life brought some really tough lessons, because I did not really pause to listen to my inner wisdom.  To listen to that voice that had been telling me that this is not who you really are.

Mother Nature and the world around saw where I was headed, and it was disastrous.  Failed relationships, lack of direction, no faith in any higher power. I was broken and felt alone.  My children suffered, my parents suffered, my friends left me, and I was alone in the darkness with my empty self.

The only hope I held was that my children, and grandchildren to follow, would not suffer as I did.  I would educate them on what they should and should not do.  I would shelter them from harm at any diversion in the road of life.

But…as I grew older, I began to understand that life is what you create.  When my children left home to live their own lives, I began to ponder what was important. What would my life now look like?  How would I now shelter my children and my grandchildren from the harm of making rash decisions?

I didn’t know what that life looked like until I learned that my entire life had already been lived from my soul.  Many times I did not recognize it for the shadows of my superficial material world.  It was important to me to look good, even though I was living in a vacuum of self-destruction.  I drank, disrespected my body, slept a lot, and starved myself of self-love and respect. I was unhappy with my life, unhappy with me.

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My experience of knowing the wisdom and living it and, knowing the wisdom and rejecting it was the key to the answer of how I lived my life to this day.  The days that I rejected my own wisdom were the days that were so dark and so dreary that I could not see the truth in myself.  The truth that I was a loving, deserving, confident single mother, who loved life and the people in it.  At the time, I missed the message.

My children were my hope for the future.  But, what was I teaching them?  It was a long road of self-discovery.  I sought the wisdom of a Catholic priest and I scheduled counseling for myself and children.   My children had become my teachers.  I did not always make wise decisions for them, and we all learned the hard way.   I began to observe their behaviors at school, with their friends and at home.  This life wasn’t what I wanted for them.

One evening, I found myself in a bar that was, well, not a very reputable place for men, let alone women.  The women who visited this place were hard, did time, and drank…a lot.  I had become friends with the bar tender because I had become her confidante for her personal and work life problems.  People at this place somehow thought I had it “all together, ”  to trust me with their hard luck stories. I didn’t care, I just wanted someone to talk to.  Anyone, just anyone who didn’t need a diaper change, a medical treatment to breathe (a son with Cystic Fibrosis), or want something more than I could provide.

As I sat there on the bar stool talking with Mel (Bartender),  a “old” grade school buddy sat beside me.  He sat in silence for awhile without addressing me.  We were classmates at a Catholic grade school.   Finally, Bill looked over at me, as he gulped down a swig of beer.  “Girl, what are you doing here?”  I responded with my cheeky answer, “having a beer, why?”  Bill looked at me with his concerning brown eyes, “Sweet girl, you do not belong in a place like this.  Come with me.”  I felt ashamed and allowed Bill to lead me out the door.

Bill drove me to his home, nearby.  He poured a glass of wine and we toasted to old memories.  At the end of the short evening, he leaned over and looked me closely in the eyes.  “Will you promise me that you will never go back to that place, again? You deserve better.  Your kids deserve a mom who is there for them. You are not that kind of a girl.”

Bill squeezed my shoulders in a deep, loving hug – like a father would give.  I left Bill’s place that night, wondering what it was that I was missing.  I was so confused about who I was, I wasn’t raised this way.  I left that evening, however, with a sense of comfort, knowing that my  true friends looked out for me when I most needed it.  Bill was such a friend.

Prior to that evening, I had many opportunities to wake up and pull it together, but it was Bill’s words that stung so hard “you are not that kind of a girl.”  What kind of girl had I become?  As I repeated the thought in my head, it ran deeper and deeper into my core so deep that I cried for hours over what I was really doing versus who I knew my self to be.  I had been wandering down a path of fire on both sides, wavering from side to side in a state of subconscious regret, fear, anger.  It was burning me up alive, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

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Bill saved my life that night.  There were so many ways I could have gone, but I finally listened to the words that I had heard over and over at that god-forsaken bar.  But, because Bill and I were friends, it became glaringly clear to hear it from his mouth.

It was not long after my seemingly coincidental visit with Bill, that I began to pull my life together.  I was not only dressing nicely on the outside, I took care of my inside (my soul).  My mind had somehow relaxed when I accepted what I heard from Bill.  It was all, by no means, a mistake or coincidence.  I began to listen to my surroundings and become aware of what was falling down around me.  I was realizing that I was responsible for my own future, this current life didn’t have to be this way.

As my mind became clearer on what I wanted, events began to occur.  I was referred by my former boss to another company and my career began to take off.  My confidence began to strengthen, I was smiling more.  Conflicts did not seem to bother me, as they once did.

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My successes became more frequent, my children were happier, I met a loving man.  These were miracles that came to my life with just one conversation and tuning my attention to what was really important to me.

I did not do this all alone, however.  I can not imagine taking on such a personal growth without guidance from someone who really cared about my welfare.  I found ways to afford counselors, coaches, and massage therapists.  I wanted to bring holistic approach to the value of my healing.

Even now, as I move toward 60 years old, I seek coaches and mentors who bring a holistic approach to my ongoing journey as a confident, loving, and caring wise woman who wants the same for everyone on this planet.  I have learned that no one is broken, they just have different information; and, gathering information gives us the best chance in making the best possible decisions for our lives as we are all learning how to live from our souls.woman-570883_1920

So, Bella, as you read this message, I smile and see your bright and shiny future that lies ahead like a diamond lit path.  There will be flaws in the diamonds, but it is there you will find your strengths and truths.  Ask questions, be curious, for it is also there that you will find your wisdom within.  It is in those moments that we truly shine in our vulnerability, standing out with love in our heart, that we find the silver lining to our soul’s purpose and speak from our voice of wisdom.

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Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

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Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mind Power!

As a Professional Core Alignment Mentor, I find that one of the many quandaries people face when asked what they want is that they really don’t know.   I may then ask someone, “What is important to you?”  They might answer, “My family is important to me, my financial security, health.”    A few might give a first response of, “Wow, that’s a tough question, I really don’t know.”  So, most people know what is important to them, but do they really know what they want?

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When I was a child, I dreamed of things I would do if I didn’t have parents around telling me what to do.  While this seems like I was against my parents, it was an innocent place in the mind of a child.  If I didn’t have chores, or didn’t have to babysit my siblings, or had a car to go wherever I wanted, I could really BE somebody.  Yeah, that’s what I want, to be somebody.  

At the time, I was too young to realize that being somebody was already in the formative process and that I was being a little too impatient in that journey.  But, not knowing that information didn’t stop me from dreaming or beginning to write and sketch them out on paper.

While on a vacation in 1973, I sat in the backseat of my parents station wagon with my five younger siblings.  It was an hour trip, so I decided to pull out my sketch pad and draw what was hanging in my mind for awhile.  I wanted to capture this image or it would fade from memory.  I began to sketch what my dream house would look like.  I was fourteen.

When I was seven, I knew that I wanted to help people in some way when I grew up.  I wrote to the missionaries serving in foreign countries, and gave my allowance to help starving children.  I didn’t know what I would do to help people in my future, but knew in my heart that this “spoke” to me.

My parents built a solid foundation of parenting their children with strong convictions to faith and loyalty to family.   Creativity was encouraged in our family.  The artistic roots ran deep and rich with music, quilt making, medicine making, healing, writing,  painting, cooking, and farming.  bonfire-1867275_1920

Dreaming, however, was not talked about.  Dreams were “out there” and reality was “here.”   The consensus was that you were born into your work or just got a job to make money; and, that miracles only happened back in “spiritual history” times.

Jump forward to 1994.  I married my second husband in the summer of 1992, and we had settled in to a nice house in the suburbs of St. Louis.  In the hot summer of ’94, the kids were away visiting their father.  My husband and I decided to take this time to finally sort through our belongings to consolidate boxes that we had not completed when we moved into our house.

I located a large box that contained a number of memorabilia from my childhood.  I found the sketch of my childhood dream house.  I called my husband over to look at it.  He said, “Cool!  When did you have time to draw that?”  I replied, “I drew this when I was fourteen.”

“No way!” my husband shouted.  I was taken back by his response, misunderstanding that he thought I couldn’t have possibly had the talent to draw such a picture.

“What do you mean?”

” I mean that, well…come let me show you.”  With sketch in hand and with excitement, he pulled me down our hallway and through the front door.  He guided me to stand on the street and look at our house.  Well, readers: you tell me, does this look like the house I sketched when I was fourteen?

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Our minds are an amazing phenomenon.  Science is still researching how our minds are capable of guiding our future, our bodies, and our healing.  This much I know:  any time I wrote down what I wanted, I received it.  And, people who use their mind as their power are typically highly successful people.  They create bucket lists, they draw pictures, make collages of what they truly want to pursue.

Not everyone knows what they want, so it takes the guidance of a teacher, a counselor, friend, or an educated mentor/coach, to help us to explore what is really important and possible in our lives.  Finding miracles that are already there waiting for us to uncover.

Some of you might say, “Well, you did it Kat, without a coach.”  My answer is, partially yes.  Along the way, I hired mentors and coaches who helped me get answers for the things I wanted in life for me and for my family.   It wasn’t until two years ago that I had come full circle from my seven year old desire to help others in a profound way.

“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.” ~ Oprah

Remember my story about when I was seven?  In the raw stages of our development, our minds are wide open to dreams, learning, and filtering.  We are aligned with our mind, body and spirit, taking notes and storing it for future use.  My mind held that deep belief that I would some day help people in extraordinary ways.

Today,  I help people to overcome their fears, anxieties and barriers and to live a life of understanding with peace of mind and the grounded feeling of joy.  Mentoring causes a ripple effect in people’s lives.  My experiences become the teacher and my mind remembers a beautiful, lasting legacy of who I was and who I have become.  I still create in my mind of who I profess to be and will always work towards being my best to serve others.  This is my dream and my miracle.

I wish you all the best you can be with the information you have; make your lists and bring mind power to your world!!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAKat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

 

Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

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I Will NEVER Lose!

Over the weekend, I met with family and friends in celebration of the holidays of Easter and Passover.  Many curious and interesting conversations occurred, along with an occasional “we’ll agree to disagree” discussion, as family tends to engage at times.

At the Kohler house, our family frequently likes to put our competitiveness to test on the dining room table with a game of Mexican train dominoes.  Why it is called that, I’ll never know, but the difference is that you create the chain of dominoes from a hub instead of one domino and that several chains can be played.  Nonetheless, it becomes seemingly more competitive than regular dominoes- which is par for our family.Dominoes

Even six year old little Vivi is playing this game, now.  She is gradually establishing where her role lies in the world of teens and adults in our family, as she is the youngest grandchild and the rest are at least 6 years older than her.    She has learned some difficult lessons about winning and losing in childhood games and now has come to face the “big guns” in a wild game of Mexican train dominoes.  She knows the stakes are high, because winning could fuel her position as the youngest, but most daring and powerful in this family of die-hard competitors.

Grandma played the game, too. And, as grandmas do she helped Vivi at first.  Until….Grandma found out how “up-on-the-game” Vivi had become.  She was now competing on the same level as the adults!   Vivi’s biggest competitor?  Her eleven year-old cousin Zach.  He was ferociously driven to win.  Vivi knew this, so she would focus mindfully on his every calculated move. You win Cap

At times throughout the game there was a waxing and waning of who might be the next winner.   Grandma would have less dominoes, then Vivi had two left, but Zach had one.  This went on for about 10 minutes.  Everyone on the table thought Zach would win, but his mother…at the last minute, snatched up the last move and won – even when Aunt Kat tried to help Vivi with the last move she had left.

sadgirlVivi hung her head in defeat.  This was a big game for her.  Everyone re-assured her that there is more than one loss in the game.  She eventually came around and broke a little smile.  Zach then proudly announced, “I never lose, I just haven’t won yet!”   The silence was golden as everyone was pondering his proclamation.  We broke into laughter and I looked over at Zach and said, “Zach, that is a very healthy way to look at it.  I may use that in my blog this week, and help my clients see a new positive way of losing when the chips are down.”   He merely smiled sheepishly, as he realized he said something very profound.

From the mouths of babes, as the old phrase goes, we find such rich unleashed thought if we merely listen and allow our internal self-doubt chatter to relax.  From the time we are infants we begin to build belief patterns, such as “I’ll never measure up, I’ll never be enough, or I’ll never win.”   These are created from experiences, whether good, tragic, or indifferent, when we formed our opinions and beliefs about occurrences.  Our feelings are real, but may or may not define what truly happened.  Did we not measure up because we felt that someone else should have met our expectations, only to allow ourselves to be let down?

In the case of the domino game, the players at the table were engaged to win.  They had a healthy attitude and the adults and older child had many experiences of losing when the six year old only had a few.  The six year old utilized her experiences of losing to protect her ego by appearing disgruntled and making snarky remarks.

Can you relate to this story?  I can.  I recall many times in my past when I felt defeated, put upon by others, feeling the rug pulled out from under me and side-swiped by others remarks or just felt like a loser.  And…this feeling is not limited to six-year olds!

Zach’s response in end of the game made me think of how many of times I hear the negative side of someone feeling down or like they lost at life.  My understanding of Zach’s perspective was that he was choosing not to lose, but to learn that he can take away information from the game towards his next win.

Zach was not always a good sport about losing, but has learned quickly through a method of positive reinforcement (most likely from his parents), that he can change how he responds to challenging situations.  It becomes empowering.

Most kids start out with an idea of what winning means.  This has been influenced by outside factors such as peers, teachers, siblings, parenting, family cultures, and media. Over time, as they grow and add more to their memory bank of experiences, the mind begins to form opinions and beliefs based on those occurrences and surrounding  influences.

Kids sharing icecreamWhen a continuous flow of positive reinforcement in the family exists, healthier responses take place and there is a different flow in the household.  One of my parent clients have described this flow as an indescribable calm at the dinner table.  She has been a client for nearly a year, and has seen a difference in her family dynamics when she was able to change her own thought process to better parenting.

My client has made comments like, “my life is a lot less stressful,” and “I now feel at peace with myself and have a new sense of confidence [as a parent].”   board-142741_1920

Remember six year old Vivi?  After the game, her snarkiness subsided and losing didn’t seem so bad, afterall.  Thank you, Zach!

 

HippyKat

 

Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence,  respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people find the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

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The Voices of Truth

Do you ever feel like you are not heard?  In conversations do people talk over you?  Do others in your circle of friends respond or engage in what you are saying? Do you feel voiceless?

Here is the news:  It’s not about them!

What is it, then,  that you want people to hear?

In a cab3b650e3f1e0e88ccec3e45c13b168b6sual conversation,  the subject matter may be something that you are not necessarily interested in, but you join in for the sake of participation.  You respond to someone’s story.  No one acknowledges your comment.  You feel disconnected, disrespected, put out, shunned, and the mental spin cycle moves out of control.  The voices begin:  “They don’t like me, I’m stupid, I don’t fit in, they never hear me, they don’t even try to include me.”

And then…one day you see your neighbor watering her roses.  You begin to talk about the weather, the old crabby man down the street, the naughty dog who wees on your lawn. There is conversation, and an exchange of sorts. Engaging comes naturally, it feels good. What has changed from the other conversation?

But, wait.  Didn’t I say, “It’s not about them?”  Yes, I did.

To get to the truth, the question begs an answer of what do you know about yourself?  What is the voice inside you when you are at odds with the world?  While you are pointing a firm finger outward  to others (It’s their fault) and minimizing your insides (I’ll never measure up), the world around seems to keep rolling on, as we are left to our own mental mess.

How do you feel when you connect with people?  How do you show up in a conversation? Are you present, or is your mind on the sports channel across the room or the baby napping in the other room?  The truth is that the entire scene is based on you, your perception of you, how you receive, how you give, what gets under your craw, what grabs your attention, and why.

As in the case above, if one is feeling they are not being heard, the shadow self  may reveal, “I am not heard.”  Then what is the core truth?  The big reveal is:  “I HAVE A VOICE!”  To further expand on the purpose of the core truth, one would add “and …”

I have a voice and an important message, can become the personal message in the conversation to oneself when not feeling like being heard, feeling left out, the office is not working together that day, and on goes the sea of conflicts to which this concept can be applied.

fb2fdb8c8607fc277da2c977e5e91d2fThis process requires a series of questions and some expertise to get to the core of someone’s personal truth.  We, as social beings, deal with many mental shadows, gatekeepers and guards that protect us against revealing what is true.  It is a tangled wad of wonder in our minds, comprised of all of our experiences, beliefs, and values.  Some serve us well, while others hold us back or give us a sense that we are inferior.

upcbfypvA trained NeuroLinguistic Program (NLP) Specialist gently guides one through the process with ease.  Imagine working with an NLP Specialist to the likeness of an alchemist creating the right mix or blend of something from nothing to create a miracle or an emergence of something great.  The perfect blend of questions brings aha! moments where there was a void or questions about a conflict.

Each individual carries their own personal message from the time they were born.  Do you remember when you were born?  We are capable of discovering this miracle, and we all carry the wisdom from beyond.

Bring light to your truth. What is YOUR truth?

 

HippyKatKat is a Core Alignment Mentor and Professional NLP Specialist, and Emotional Wisdom Trainer.  She is the founder of Taproots for Life, where she guides women, men and teens to awaken their light within to live a life of joy. She believes that each person deserves to feel grounded with a voice to be heard, while standing in their own authenticity.

Kat holds a sacred space for people to grow as independent thinkers by exploring, discovering and embracing their true authenticity and to inspire others with love, understanding and empowerment.

Her mentoring has changed lives, locally and internationally.  She is also a writer, herbalist, aromatherapist and lightworker.  For more information:  info@taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

The Jewels of Denial

Recently, I enjoyed a trip with two friends, Char and Maria.  Driving back home,as we were chatting between two, then all three, then talking over each other- and yes, we heard each line of communication, as women have a knack to do- Char stopped suddenly and blurted out, still chewing with a mouth full of chips, “Okay, okay, I’ve got this issue, and I need to tell you
about it. I can’t hold it back any longer.”

“Okay, Char, what it is.  Out with it, “ Maria said in her rogue-ish impatience.  She cackled out a loud rendition of the wicked witch of the north and rung her hands as if she were onto something big. “We’re all friends, let’s have it.”

With Maria’s rowdy response, Char winced and began to speak about her situation at work, then stopped.  She felt that, while she trusted the friendly company, they may judge what she says or create more of it than it is.  Her mind began creating scenarios of “what did she say,” then “what did you say,” as she searched for the words to describe the relationship with someone she manages.  Hefriends-775356_1280r friends had always looked up to her as a leader, so Char was careful to describe this matter to the women she had known nearly all her life.

After a long awkward pause, I said quietly, “Cha-a-ar, is everything alright?”

She reacted quickly: “Everything is fine, well, no, not fine; but, it’s…I wish I…well, damn, I’m going to just come out with it. I hate this, but I need to tell someone, or I’m going to go nuts.”

As I was driving, I quickly looked up to the rear view mirror and Char’s face was red, like angry red.  Char was noted for her many stories about work: how she felt violated,  people not respecting her, people bossing her around, subordinates calling her out in public on things she did, and the list goes on.  Typically, after ranting about it, she seemed to take it all in stride and move on.  This time was different.

Char began her story.

“I manage three people in my department and one supervises another employee.  The employee’s name is Samantha.  Samantha is not the brightest crayon in the box, and she barely gets her work done. In fact, I do not know how she was hired into her position of auditing insurance claims.  Compared to the average auditor her capabilities are way below her pay grade and she is always behind.  Every day she has a problem with someone else and tries to divert the attention away from herself.
clerk-18915_1280Well, the last few weeks, because of the year end, we need to finish out all of these claims and she is dragging the team down.  I asked her supervisor if she could talk with her to find out why she could not get up to speed.  Her supervisor, Tara, reported that Samantha has had multiple days off work, took a snow day when the streets were only damp, called off when it rained, and God knows what else her Tara told me. Bottom line is Sam’s off work more than she is at work!

I asked the Tara about her course of action.  She said that Samantha had some personal problems and that she felt sorry for her.

I came unglued.  I swear fire shout out of my ears.  I told Tara to get back in her office and tell that Samantha that she is going to complete her stack of files if she has to stay all night to do it!  Further, I told her that Samantha needs to be put on a performance improvement plan and I was putting her on one, too!!   I had just had enough, my numbers were looking bad, and the hammer was coming down on me from the powers that be. Tara stormed out of my office in tears.  I was so mad, I was shaking.

Later, Samantha was knocking at my door.  Do you believe it?  She could not wait to come tell me how to do my job.  She came in with all her daggers ready.  She had the gall to stand with her hands on her hips at my door and tell me I was the worst person she has ever met, that I was a heartless, uncaring bitch. After she caused all the gossip in the office, spoke to everyone in condescending ways, and never respected any authority!

I lost all my senses and told her to get her (expletives) back to her desk or she was fired.  I told her she had no business storming into my office and talking to me like I was a child.

Samantha stormed at me with a vengeance of words I cannot repea
t.  I was appalled at her behavior.  This girl has repeatedly tried to destroy me in front of her peers, other supervisors and my manager.  I told her that she needed to get herself together and better think about what she just said.  I further told her that we were going to take a little trip down to HR.

She finally stormed out of my office and slammed the door so hard that the frame fell apart.  I was shaking so bad that I felt like puking!

Can you believe it?  Both of them, so ignorant!  I have been nothing but nice to them and they (expletive) all over me!!

What should I do?”

As I drove and listened in silence at Char’s story, I couldn’t help but see all of the little “jewels of denial” that she was laying before herself without even knowing it. Maria seemed so surprised but withheld her response with a shrug and the old  ‘I don’t know what to say’ look.

I asked her, “Char, looking back on this situation, what would you have done differently that could have changed the outcome?”  Her response was, “Nothing, those dumb (expletives) know their jobs, they just need to quit worrying about what I’m doing and get to work!”

Again, sicat-590684_1280lence, in this car ride that started out to be so fun.  Maria, retreated to her blanket and pillow, lowered her seat and rolled over to an imaginary nap.  I was left with our “dear” Char.

“Um, Char, do you see anything in that conversation that you could have done differently?” I thought I’d ask again in case she was still spinning in her anger.

“No damn way!  She is trying to get me fired so she can feel good about herself.  She thinks that if she eliminates the power, that she has won, and that she will be able to stay without being responsible in her job.”

“Okay.  I see.  So, based on this situation that you said seems to
re-occur, what kind of outcome is important to you?”

“I’m not changing, if that is what you are getting at.  Sam
antha is a bully and needs to get with the program.”

“Char, are you the upper management that oversees Samantha’s direct report?”

“Yes, and she is the only one I have a problem with. Tara should have asserted her authority prior to Samantha storming into my office and blowing off like a cannon.”

“I see.  It seems that her supervisor might have an issue, as well.  Is that true?”

“Yes, I guess that could be it, too.  She just doesn’t get how to manage people.”

“What kind of wisdom can you offer her to better manage Samantha?”

“I guess I should get more information on why Samantha went over her head to get to me.”fb2fdb8c8607fc277da2c977e5e91d2f

“What could you tell her to say to Samantha to make the situation better?”

“I don’t know if that situation can be resolved.  Samantha has not been performing.  I really don’t know why she is not performing. She’s called off sick a lot. ”

“What, typically, makes people call off sick a lot, from a manager’s perspective?”

“They have lots of problems or they are unhappy at work.”

I simply said, “Yes.”

I imagine, by now, you can see all of the “jewels of denial” that my friend, Char, the supervisor, Tara, and Samantha have presented. Additionally, you probably wondered what happened with Maria, as she completely tuned out the conversation and avoided any engagement in the exchange.

When clients inquire about these types of scenarios, I begin to take great care to guide them to a place of self-awareness, just like the questions I asked of Char.  When I ask specific questions, the tightly wound emotions of fear, anger, anxiety and others, come rolling out like a river of information.  What is the magic that causes this release, you ask?

While our subconscious mind holds all the beliefs from past experienmeditation-338446_1280ces, they sometimes get stuck and cannot move past repeated similar situations that mimic the first experience. It is our natural protection system.  As you could read, from Char’s experience, this was not the first time she experienced this.  In fact, it had become her life story, fighting everyone and putting up shields to be “ready” for the next person who came in her path.

If Char had chosen to see a professional specialist who practices NeuroLinguistic Programming, she would have been taken on a journey to evaluate what she wants in life, how to ask for it, how to show up, keep her word, and have an attitude of gratitude.  With just these five principles, this conflict could have been diffused with one single short meeting to gain an understanding and gather mo
re information about Samantha’s “failure” to thrive in her role.  A response rather than a reaction would have been key in resolving the conflict.
precious-1199183_640When we can recognize our “jewels of denial,” we can soon begin to realize that the whole world is not against us and that others are going through similar challenges in life.  When we explore more and find our “aha” moments, we begin to chip away at what has kept us in our limiting beliefs, and further begin to discover that we are a diamond beneath the surface!

 

HippyKatKat is a Core Alignment Mentor and Professional NLP Specialist, and Emotional Wisdom Trainer.  She is the founder of Taproots for Life, where she guides women, men and teens to awaken their light within to live a life of joy. She believes that each person deserves to feel grounded with a voice to be heard, while standing in their own authenticity.

Kat holds a sacred space for people to grow as independent thinkers by exploring, discovering and embracing their true authenticity and to inspire others with love, understanding and empowerment.

Her mentoring has changed lives, locally and internationally.  She is also a writer, herbalist, aromatherapist and lightworker.  For more information:  info@taprootsforlife.com

taproots-for-life-logo-small-print

https://taprootsforlife.com

 

 

From Darkness Comes Light

Many years ago, I suffered abuses of a loved one.  They were mental, physical and emotional abuses, but mostly severe violations of the mind.  These were least detected, because I could keep up a pretty decent front to my family, friends and workplace, and no one knew. It was my secret.

I recall that one night he raped me, laughed  and rolled over to a deep snore.  I slowly rolled over in bed and quietly sobbed myself to sleep. I was devastated.

Once, I sustained a cut on my lip from “him” ramming his elbow against my lower jaw.  My tooth went through my lip.  I had to explain it to work as I “ran into a door.” This was a pivotal moment that I did not deserve these continued abuses.

I kept a hidden journal to write down my fears, horrors and prayers.  I recorded the incidents, in case I ended up dead in an undisclosed place.  Surely, someone would find my scribbling and know what happened. I was careful to keep it hidden for fear he would find it and unleash even more angefile000388004075r.

On the last day of living in this horror, he tried to hurt me as he raised a chair over my head to strike me while I slept. My Creator and angels were with me, as I awoke and saw him standing there about to commit the ultimate abuse- to take a mother from her children. I pushed him back with my foot to protect myself. As he jerked back with the chair, he lacerated his hand on a glass light fixture above that he had broken.
I was grateful my children were not present to see this shocking act. I did my best to hide the abuse from them in the past, but the physical acts were coming more frequent, as he now had been lying with a new “love.”  It was time for me to leave.

After 10 years and three children, I left the relationship and moved on with my life, with much counseling and consoling from strangers. My family did not understand, so there was no one to provide the emotional support I needed. My mother helped, as she could, by caring for my youngest, when he was ill, or picked him up from daycare.

I had children to raise, one with Cystic Fibrosis. . And now, I had to raise them alone with little job experience, no college education, and no financial support.

We lived in poverty for about 3 years, struggling around every corner. I reached out for love in all the wrong places. I drove a beat-up car that my broth
file000637797981er lent me. It had a large toddler-sized hole in the floorboard where my children sat.  I covered it with plywood and told them never to lift it. I was lucky. Sometimes I bummed a ride from someone when the car didn’t start up on a cold winter morning.

I bought clothes at Goodwill, at a time when only poor people shopped there.  I would see the saddened stare back at me, when someone asked me where I bought the beautiful suit and I told them where.

I did not show my inner shame to the kids.  I would proudly wear my resale clothes so they could see that life was not so bad. We celebrated with junk food nights and a movie, when that was all there was to do. I did my best to raise their spirits, while we had nothing else to exist on during that time.

When I ate lunch at work, I ate braunsweiger sandwiches (I needed the protein and the fat to survive, and it was cheap). I listened to ridicule and laughter from my co-workers, because my sandwiches did not meet their standard, or aroma, of what lunch should be. I smiled and tried to act like it didn’t hurt. But it did, and deeply. What they didn’t know was it was my only meal of the day.

On occasion, people would throw money my way. Five dollars, a ten, or sometimes a fifty. It made them feel good, I guess. I felt like a beggar on the street, but any mother who had been there would understand.   What I really yearned for, however, was their time, their hands to help or just to sit and talk. I felt hollow, emotionless, yet I cried with gratitude that someone thought of me to give from their own earnings.euro-1144835_1280

I didn’t come from an impoverished family so accepting money from someone was foreign and disgraceful to me.  I had a great life growing up and wanted for nothing.

Somewhere, in my late teens, however, I decided to take a short cut to moving on with my life as an adult. I made a choice to marry young. I quickly learned that I made a bad choice in a life partner, yet it eventually resulted in a life of growth that I had not imagined would emerge.  The journey has been a lifelong struggle to feel worthy of love, again.

Knowing the predicament I was in, I began to learn as much as I could, taking college courses and reading self-help books to improve myself.  My superiors soon observed that I had a talent for managing and helping people.  They took chances on me and promoted me.  I created my way in the work world, and, to this day I am humbly grateful to those leaders who recognized my gift and invested their time to teach me.

As I grew mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I observed that “he” did not grow up as I did. His story is his own and not for me to tell. I now feel a different respect for him, as a human beingMan in Despair on Bench and a soul who is struggling to learn his path.

While it is not my place to speculate where his path may lead, I can only pray that his

journey leads to hope, kindness and a love for himself; for it is with realization and love of the self that we begin to heal and can show this love for others.

About 10 years ago, my children held a birthday party for one of the grandchildren. “He” was there.  My heart quickened in fear for only a moment.  It was then that I realized that I had come this far, and could actually be in the same room without feeling fear or disgust. I spoke only briefly with “him.”

As the party departed, I felt compelled to hug this man.  The man that I allowed to take parts of me that were my identity.  As I embraced him, he could not return the love.  He heart was still in a darkened place, as he stiffly allowed my hug.  As for myself, I could feel the deep compassion within my soul to forgive and release this darkness inside myself to bring love and light – an awakening of my soul!woman-570883_1920

This is a piece of my life that I share with you, the public.  This comes from a very deep place.  It has taken me 30 years to come to this point, to feel like my story may have some worth to another person, even though many friends and publishers have asked me to share it. Small steps.

hands-684499_1280Only with the help of Core Alignment Coaching and work with neurolinguistic programming, have I been able to free this story to a page.  It is with deep gratitude I owe this transformation to many mentors along the way at Core Alignment, as I learned the process to further heal myself, and now share it with others.

I have healed over time, yet there’s a scar on the inside of my lip that reminds me of how far I have come.  It is a bittersweet memory of the love I chose because of the love inside me. I became lost, but now have re-discovered this love and share it with one who loves me back.

Perhaps this story may move you to help someone who seems to struggle at work, at home, kids bullying on the playground or a  frustrated teacher in a classroom, a person you see on the street, or a lonely widow(er). It might be a caregiver or nurse, a truck driver or a person who stands alone. There are many opportunities to reach out.

When you see someone struggling,  take time, share the light within you to make their day just a bit brighter, and feel hopeful that there are still people on earth who have peace in their hearts and can share it no matter the emotions that come from it. This is the journey that begins in you!

 May the peace of all souls unite during this season of love and light and cause a ripple effect throughout the world!

 

 water-1241161_1920

HippyKatKat is a Core Alignment Mentor and Professional NLP Specialist and Emotional Wisdom Trainer.  She is the founder of Taproots for Life, where she guides women, men and teens to awaken their light within to live a life of joy.at believes that each person deserves to feel grounded with conviction in their own authenticity, with a voice to be heard.

Kat opens a sacred space for people to grow as independent thinkers by exploring, discovering and embracing their true authenticity and to inspire others with love, understanding and empowerment.

Her mentoring has changed lives, locally and internationally.  She is also a writer, herbalist, aromatherapist and lightworker.

Contact info:  info@taproots.com

Visit her website:  www.taprootsforlife.com (currently under construction)

taproots-for-life-logo-medium-web

 

 

 

Accepting Home

Over the last few months, the reality of time and home have been on my mind.  I have been visiting my aging parents more frequently, and reflect on the moment as much.  I think about the past, during my childhood years, growing up the oldest of six siblings.  I believe our childhood mirrored a series or two of the Waltons, that is, without the mountain-we had a hill.  I realize that sounds hokey, but it is what I remembered in our semi-rural dwellings in the Midwest.

Our bare-footed summers were spent running through the woods playing hide and seek, creating secret hideouts in the trees, building dams in the creek, barricading forts in the woods for the “bad guys,” swinging from tree swings, long hours at the local ball field playing soccer, kickball, hotbox and fast-pitch. softball-1619396_1920

When my dad bought a vintage convertible, my brother and sisters and I would volunteer to wash it for him so we would have an excuse to hear stereo.  We would crank up the HiFi (yes, that’s HiFi, Gen Xers and Millenniums, not Wifi) and sing, “Jeremiah was a Bullfrog!”  We were free and loving life.vintage-car-852239_1920

In the winter, we could not wait for the snow to arrive.  The colder the weather and the higher the snowfall made for the best sled train ever.   The oldest kids would rally the neighborhood tots, tweeners and teens.   Everyone would link up their sleds at the top of the longest street in the neighborhood.  There would be at least 15 kids willing to brave the long hill.  This was the one time of year when all kids laid down their arguments and became a movie of interactive, collaborative characters in a winter wonderland.

We had sleds, shovels, toboggans, or whatever would slide through the snow and link into
sled-626832_1920the train.
We laid claim that it was the longest sled train in the universe.  Our parents were certainly amused by our spirit, as they watched us whiz by with kids rolling off and giggling in the snow, and the littlest guy with frosty red cheeks running to catch up shouting, “Hey wait for me.”

Many of those parents still live in that old neighborhood, including my parents.  They have stories to tell about their families and living in the 50’s and through the 80’s.

Aging parents, like mine, sometimes are forced to make decisions about their lives- do we stay or do we move?  Their limitations have become reality.  But, such memories here.  The family home, the memories of celebrated Christmases around the tree with their lit
tle kids ripping open presents, laughing, and singing carols; times around the campfire listening to Mom and Dad’s jokes and stories; music lessons, PTA meetings, dance lessons, 4-H club, scouts, football games, proms, cold brisk soccer games, and graduations. The timeline list of hustle and bustle could write a great American life story for anyone who lived in Maxville Terrace.bonfire-1867275_1920

Recently, when I’ve thought about all of these fleeting moments of joy in my own life, I could not help but wonder what my parents feel, as they approach the last years of their lives.  My mother had recruited a couple of us to help her downsize.  She had been preparing for the “just in case,” moment.  She made it known: “Dad or I could go at any time, but if Dad goes first I just want to be prepared to move.”  Logically thi
quilt-716838_1920nking, she- being the quilter, seamstress, and crafter- would obviously have more things to downsize, so she chose to move forward,ready for whatever emotions she might face, as she gave away fine memories that were attached to each scrap of fabric.  “Oh, this was a piece from
your father’s shirt,” or, “Remember when I made matching dresses from this for you and your sister?”

When I heard her words, I heard a bit of quiver in her voice.  She had been reflecting on the past, too.  As we pulled out old boxes of greeting cards from the closet, she seemed to have a story fwomen-1013116_1920or nearly every one of them.  I recalled some faded stories of the past, as well.  The cards dated back to the 1950’s with angelic faces, romantic watercolor pictures and cartoon characters of the times.

“Look, Mom, this one was when you and dad were married; Oh, Mom, look at this one.  It’s a shower card from when I was born.”  She stopped, looked at them, pondered, and smiled.  This was a moment for both of us.  Time stood still for just a moment.

She knew she couldn’t keep them, as it seemed like leaving a friend behind when we tossed them, one by one, into the wastebasket.  I felt her loss.  I reminisced with her with bittersweet sorrow, as she disguised her own with a smile.

I asked her if we had to dispose of all of them.  She responded quietly, “Well, the memories are all there.  I’m just saving the ones that have special messages written.”  I smiled as she said this, as I knew that she could not give up all of the beautiful cards, particularly the ones with special thoughts.  Giving up the cards were reminders of good memories, some not so good; however, I could see it was difficult.

After, we completed the first phase of downsizing, we paused.  I said, “Mom, I know this can’t be easy for you.”  She smiled and said, “It’s just stuff. I have still have pictures and memories of our family.”  We hugged, and I knew at that moment she was at peace with her decision to downsize.pictures-630378_1920

As I packed up my car with things that were bound for the thrift store, it occurred to me that the two of us were in a place of acceptance with a home that no longer represented a house or even the memories.

 

I sat in the driveway feeling grounded in a truth. My mother and I had explored, reflected, and discovered that our peace was in the women we had become. It was a place in our mind, body, and soul that we truly know as home.

 

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May you find joy in each moment as you discover your own sacred place of home in the heart during this season of love, peace and celebration. 

HippyKatKat is a Core Alignment Mentor and Professional NLP Specialist and Emotional Wisdom Trainer.  She is the founder of Taproots for Life, where she guides women, men and teens to awaken their light within to live a life of joy.at believes that each person deserves to feel grounded with conviction in their own authenticity, with a voice to be heard.

Kat holds a sacred space for people to grow as independent thinkers by exploring, discovering and embracing their true authenticity and to inspire others with love, understanding and empowerment.

Her mentoring has changed lives, locally and internationally.  She is also a writer, herbalist, aromatherapist and lightworker.

Contact info:  info@taproots.com

Visit her website:  www.taprootsforlife.com (currently under construction)

taproots-for-life-logo-medium-web

 

Awakening to Gratitude- A Family Thanksgiving Message

On Thanksgiving, 2014, I recall that after some masterful cooking in the kitchen, we sat down to a meal.  It had become my  family tradition. After years of both sides of family arguing over whose turn it was that we come to their Thanksgiving, I finally had enough and drew the line in the sand to declare that my own family would be having dinner at our home.

By 1995, my children were at an age (17, 15 and 10) where it was even more important to gather the troops after  shuffling around our schedules and continual running with soccer games, track meets, religion classes, music lessons/concerts, trips to the doctors while balancing all of this with my busy work schedule.  My husband began to cherish and look forward to this time, as well, as he was the grounding force behind the scenes when things got chaotic.  It was his time to relax and enjoy the moment of fun, kids, and food.

In 2014, Thanksgiving was, in my opinion, the perfect feast. [Every year, I seemed lay claim that this was my best culinary year ever. Family cooks, I’m sure you can relate!]  Turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, sauteed green beans, maple carrots, salad, and my traditional RTS (rosemary, sage & thyme) stuffing.  Of course no Thanksgiving dinner is complete without wine and desserts: pumpkin and pecan piesfood-791640_1920

So! I’ve addressed the reason we celebrate with only my family, and, or course, the food – important on this day.   From the kitchen on that blustery 2014 day outside, I beckoned the family from the games they were playing in our warm, cozy living room, shouting the infamous “It’s time to eat!”  Imagine “kids” in their 30’s, running to the table, elbowing each other – now with grandchildren (16, 14, and 12) vying for their place at the table with the adults.  A happy, and familiar, sight for an aging mother’s eyes!

We finally sat down to eat, gazed in amazement around at all the food on the table and, at that moment, I decided that we needed to say out loud what we were thankful for.  I started.  “I am thankful for these days when we are together, laughing, playing and enjoying each other.”  We continued around the table and each person voiced gratitude for things in their life or the day.

Last, but certainly, not least ,was my oldest son, whman-1209574_1920o usually had an entirely different outlook on life.  He paused, swallowed, then said with deep thought, “I’m thankful for each day that I am able to draw a breath of life.”  Silence seized the moment, frozen still in a sudden time-warp of mystic befuddlement.

Everyone heard the message, everyone seemed to want to embrace the message, but were grappling with their own egos to respond delicately to such a profound statement.  My heart drew inward just that moment.  I felt his painful journey to gratitude, yet this was such a precious moment of beauty for the souls sitting around the table.

These words might not have much bearing on the average family at a Thanksgiving table, but this was different.  My son had accomplished living to be 34 years surgery-590536_1920old, battling Cystic Fibrosis since he was born.  His struggle to simply breathe had become a daily battle. Yes, his message was quite different.   How does one find gratitude when faced with the struggles of multiple stomach surgeries, diabetes, pain, and now, just breathe, function, and live life every day?

His words created a very sudden immediate, humbling moment for those around the table.  The family members  who said they were grateful for material things like turkey dinner,the upcoming football game, or something humorous to skate from any emotion that may creep in while listening to everyone else’s heartfelt thanks, were now questioning their own sense of gratitude.  My son was intense yet modest about his words of gratitude.  My son, who was usually the one to issue humor or gregarious quotes. The moment of silence was peaceful, yet this hollow space yearned to be filled.

Then a gift broke the silence..quite humbly, each person at the table began to thank him for giving his heart to this momentous piece of time.   I looked upon my family at this meal in a more loving light, as my heart beat with a heart-1318850_1920great sense of joy and satisfaction.  My children had become beautiful adults and I can be thankful for years to come that they will look out for each other and be grateful for different things in life.

I will always remember my son’s words that day.  It made me think of how precious our lives are on this earth with such little time to create our mark of love and gratitude.

My son’s words made time stand still for just a small moment to allow everyone space to go inward for a self-check of why we exist: To love, be loved, and walk in gratitude every single day of our lives.

May you all find love and peace in your moment at Thanksgiving and  wherever you celebrate gratitude around the world.

HippyKat

Kat helps people awaken the light within to live a life of joy.  She believes that every person deserves to live their authenticity with conviction and a voice to be heard.

She is a Core Alignment Mentor, Professional Neuro Linguistic Programmer and Emotional Wisdom Trainer.  Kat  is also a writer, aromatherapist, and energy worker.  Her work has helped many people overcome fear, anxiety, loss of confidence, memory loss and more.  She conducts 95% of her mentoring over the phone.

Kat is currently taking new clients for December 2016.                                                                        E-mail:  livingmywisdom@gmail.com or  call 314-359-2647

The Soul of America Yearns

I look over to a glass globe, setting on my desk, that is home to a little fairy child.  She is a porcelain figurine that holds a pearl in her uplifted hands, as if she were offering love to the world.  For me, this pearl represents the light of my soul.  The light that is in each one of us, unconditional love.

When the light is dull, we are not ourselves.  We are not embracing our authenticity.  The purest of love and compassion that lies within this light is always there, yet we miss out on it so often in our lives on earth.   PENTAX Image

With the recent events of an election, a surprise outcome occurred with the electoral votes winning out to a harsh, now president elect, which has left most of us questioning our faith in human kind.  “Have we lost our minds?” many people say.

mistake-1966448_1920And yet, those who were proponents of the candidate even questioned they did the right thing.  “It actually happened,” I hear them say.  This group seemed stunned that their votes actually counted, and, actually proved that they could vote in anyone they put at the helm.  It could have been Daffy Duck and it would have been a true vote, and interestingly, still bring people to the dumbfounded reality that their vote counted for what they believed to be the perfect president.

On inauguration day, it will be a day of mourning for most Americans, and perhaps people in other countries. There are chosen administration members whose character we question and test against integrity, honesty, and human kindness.  What human experiences do they bring before us in order to lead us?

Have any of them truly lived in poverty?  Do they know what it is like to get up every 2 hours of the night in a drowsy stupor to turn their loved one who lies in bed dying, suffering of cancer?  And further, do they know what it is like to be broken when no one else stepped forward in outreach because “no one” had the means or integrity to do so?  As a result, someone died without any outreach.hands-compassion

A woman was forced to abort her child because of the humiliation, no means to provide, and no sense of how to even raise a child.  Where did we fail this woman, as human beings?  Where will the souls of our leaders reach out?

A child was left behind because no one cared that he could not read or that his mother was being beaten by his father every hour of the day.  Where is our human outreach?

My fellow souls, this, this place that we have allowed to become neglected is not our leader’s doing.  At some point, we must create a collective response as souls to care for our fellow human brothers and sisters.  While our vote may count, there’s an even greater response at stake.  Our choice to create internal love and allow that light to illuminate from us to our human families, as we assist them in small ways to lift them up.

What has transpired with our souls is not a mistake.  It is a deep belief that our souls yearn to use their advanced knowledge to move back to what is important:  Pure love

Our souls view that this new place of evolution is not a place of modern technology or streamlined modern society. Our souls have tired of the antics of our human bodies and long to be pure.  But with purity, comes an earthly price of coming to grips with our own mentality.  The ego must succumb to it’s own intelligence, ingrained beliefs and lessons from practicing less than love.

When our egos are challenged, we build more resistance, animosity, hatred, anger, retaliation.  This has become evident in the recent turn of events.  Both sides of the presidential race oozed the ugly tar-ridden muck that comes from ego.  What leadership was demonstrated?  The excuses that “the other” ran a dirty campaign  has only deeply reflected back in what they proclaim.

Now, the American people feel more broken, more divided, and more despaired than the anxiety that lead up to the election.  Our leaders, the souls who we entrusted, have yielded to the entrapment of their earthly ego and have forgotten who they really are.

While our leaders may have forgotten the light in their souls, as it grows dimmer, let us not forget our own light that beams within us.soul-1718453_1280

Recall why we stand for the rights for humans to live and die with dignity; the grave significance of being vigilant in holding dear our natural habitat and how it affects everything on this planet; the deep sense of respect and honor for each human to practice their spirituality in their own heart;and,  the right to live in authenticity with conviction and a voice to be heard.

For these truths I hold dear for our souls and an open space for love in the heart of America, that the collective soul of our country remain intact and pure in love as we navigate through a challenging journey that could change our lives forever.  United we stand, divided we fall.

 

HippyKat Kat has an innate talent to guide people to awaken the light within to live a life of joy.  She is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who practices Neuro Linguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.  Kat is the founder of Salt of the Earth Holistic Wellness, which has evolved to the new Taproots for Life.

Kat conducts workshops on the 7 Roots to Empowerment, Wheel of Life, Gratitude, Acceptance, The Power of Me, and more.  In addition she offers private phone mentoring sessions.

Contact:  livingmywisdom@gmail.com or call 314-359-2467

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