Emergence from Ashes: Compassion

On this date, September 11, Americans still feel the haunting hollowness of emotions that bring us back to that moment in time. The moment in time when the world stood still. Planes grounded, trains stopped, traffic seemed non-existent, and life just…felt…stunted. There was a long lull of shock that seemingly stripped our emotions to the raw.

As we all watched from our TVs in horror, another rhythm was droning beneath the surface of the accident. There was no time to pause for emotions, no time to ponder what was next. Across America, hundreds of people jumped from their chairs, sofas, beds to quickly shove on their shoes, a uniform, rescue gear, gas masks. People from remote places hopped in their cars to drive hundreds of miles. These responders prepared themselves, fired up mobile medical equipment and organized rescue missions to help the victims from dangerous crumbling towers filled with smoke and soot so thick it made them choke. People hugged their children, friends, even rivals. Religious establishments convened to pray.

What we choose to remember is what becomes important. An incident occurred, it was tragic. It cost precious lives. But, it took this horrific crime and tragedy to show where the backbone of our human race lies. Whether we are homeless on the street or an executive in a tower, we live as a people with a beating heart and a common allegiance to the United States of America. Our ancestors worked diligently to build this country for us, a decent place to live with freedoms that outweigh any other. Our countrymen and women carried the same rhythm that carries us forward from the ashes to this day, a memory of profound loss, yet triumphant personal growth and gain.

We choose to see our greatness, the brave lives who selflessly gave, the rallying to support the grieving, and the resilience of a nation that puts aside its differences to become one. Without our choice to see the brilliance of such alignment and oneness, we lose our mission, our vision, our voice, and our courage.

Around the world, caring people served in some way, whether in prayer, meditation, well-wishing or whether they were able to dig in and labor it onsite. In one relatively small period of time, America demonstrated its passion for life, love, and the pursuit of happiness for its country and for the world.

So, just for today, ponder the beauty that came from this tragic incident. The beauty that emerged from the ashes brought together unlikely friends, enemies, strangers to work toward one commonality: Love, Life, and Compassion for each other as human beings.

Make your choice love, always.

~Kat

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When Loneliness Knocks on Your Door…Answer it!

Five ways to lean into loneliness and find resilience.

There are times in our lives when loneliness may haunt us.  It might be our child leaving for college or going to the non-custodial parent for visitation; or, it might be when our parents transition to the other life.  For some, it might be those long years after the loss of a spouse, whether in divorce or death.  Perhaps you are a military spouse raising children and your loving husband/wife is serving abroad.

Upon reading a book, When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chödron,* I found this chapter that really spoke to me.  She talks about being in a state of loneliness. 

Pema Chödron describes six kinds of loneliness to demonstrate our phases and evolutions beyond what might make us feel “crazy” and feeling like we must do something with it.  She, further, describes this state of being with our loneliness, a sort of leaning in.

There are quite a few types of conversations that I conduct with my clients on this very topic.  We’ve all been there: constant yearning to do something to replace the anxiety of it; we want to fix the other person, hoping for better companionship; eating to stuff the emotions down deeper; over-exercising; pacing the floors; feeling no purpose because this loneliness has consumed you so much that you cannot even move.  We buy cars, boats, relocate to a new place, anything to remove this feeling of loneliness.

Yes, you know it; you’ve been there. you have felt the pain. Even children have experienced the loneliness of living with someone who is in the home, but emotionally removed from their lives. 

We tend to feel this sense of need to explain this state of loneliness, to place blame or defeat.  But, it only takes us deeper into our anxiety and our search for happiness.   So what can we do?

  • What is it? Sit with it.  Yes, exactly that:  just sit with it.   Sit long enough to find, first, the story about this feeling of loneliness.  Find time in your day for about three consecutive days to sit for 15 minutes to an hour, as long as you can keep your thoughts straight enough to research it in your mind.  What is the location of these feelings? Does it feel sad, painful, physical, etc.?  Then leave your meditation or pondering and go about your day. Practice this for three days, dedicating about the same time to each question.
  • Ask yourself:  On the fourth day, ask yourself “What is it about this feeling of loneliness that serves me?”  “What does not serve me?”  Lean into it, feel it, BE it. Do not judge it, just be still with loneliness.
  • Showing up:  On the fifth day, this is when you lean into the feeling of life without judging loneliness.  You know that life will bring that feeling again, but now the emotion is different. After about 10 minutes of meditation, ask yourself, “What is it that I do that helps me show up for myself?”   What does that look like?  What do you want it to look like?  Meditate on that without judgment.
  • Keep your promise:  Once, you have done the meditations with loneliness and how you can show up for yourself – even while emerging from the state of loneliness- imagine living in this neutral, curious state all the time.  Find time each day to do something that reminds you of who you are or who you want to be.  Really take time for this, even if it is ten minutes.  Light a candle, sing a song, dance to your favorite tune, walk on the grass- feel this feeling of who you are.
  • Living in Gratitude:  When we LIVE in gratitude, the world is a much different place.  We become like a curious child to see what other magical moments and surprises arise so we can be grateful for those moments.  They are teaching moments.  This state of being brings us to mastering the resilience of the state of loneliness and walking further in the mastery of happiness.
“When we LIVE in gratitude, the world is a much different place.”

When loneliness arises in your life, and it will, keep these concepts in mind.  You have choices in how you live your life, responding wisely with the feeling of alignment.

As I mentioned, in my mentoring/coaching practice I conduct several different types of conversations to further go into this feeling of loneliness and other emotions that seem to haunt us and hang on.  There are multiple different ways to practice and find this resilience that changes how we respond versus react to these emotions.

If you are a Personal Coach or serve in Employee Development, you will encounter these situations weekly, if not daily, with your clients/employees.   There is this continuous yearning for happiness that I’m sure you recognize: the next promotion, making more money, taking on more responsibilities, going back to school, getting along with others in the workplace.   The list becomes endless, and it is your role to gently guide and help your client bring forth all the necessary information in order to make better informed decisions,  be more mindful, embrace diversity and work in a happier state while employed with the company they serve.

For individuals:  You are invited to attend….

On October  18, 7pm CST, I will be offering an International Call on the topic of happiness, The Pursuit of Happiness and Health  This workshop is a product of Taproots for Life, a for-profit organization that uplifts women who are finding their voice after life-changing events and want to bring magic and surprise back into their lives. 

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NEW STUFF!

AND! Below is a link to the upcoming course on September 19, 2019 that Kate will be training as a springboard to the full course in January 2020.

The Wondrous Movement of Core Alignment Coaching

Coaches:  In January 2020, I will be teaching forty-week coaching course that explore the practices of NeuroLinguistic Programming and the art of Emotional Wisdom Training.  This course will be offered by Core Alignment Coaching through our Emotional Wisdom Training Institute.  Visit the website to inquire or register for the class below:  Core Alignment Coaching Website

Kat Kohler Schwartz is an educated, certified Professional Core Alignment Mentor who employs her rich life experiences to support women who wish to bring their inner voice outward to experience a more enriched life.   Kat is the founder and mentor of Taproots for Life and serves as a member, teacher, and coach for Core Alignment Coaching, owned by teacher, founder, and psychologist, Kate Michels,.

The Arc of Anger in the Workplace

Did you ever experience a person of authority in the workplace who “ruled” with anger?  I say “ruled” because you really can’t call it managing, and you really can’t call them a manager or even a leader.  Although people who accept this barbaric style (do I seem a bit passionate about this subject?)  of “ruling” will call it managing.   Well, I am here to talk about this beast of anger that exists in millions of businesses from the executive offices to the person who sweeps the floors.

It is the dream of every business owner and manager to have team that is aligned, balanced and satisfied.  When the entire team has this mindset, there is little turnover, better bottom lines, the business simply thrives with ease.  But if the leader falls short of these expectations,  the ripple runs deep throughout the organization.  Consider this story about one potential leader:

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A nurse (we’ll call her Carol) stepped into her boss’ office one day to discuss the time off structure.  “I believe that part-timers should get paid vacation, too.  I have worked here for one year and have not been able to take time off. with pay”   Her boss (Bridget)  was surprised by her request, since she only worked two to three days per week and had the rest of the week to call “vacation.”   “Carol, we’ve had this discussion before and it seems that other part-time nurses are completely satisfied in working with the current structure.  What else do you have to talk with me about?”

Carol’s anger was mounting as she resolved that she had no other choice but to be persistent – today.  It was important to her and her family.  “Bridget, this is really important to me and I wish you would not dismiss it as though it were not.  Each year my family would like to take vacation without my loss of income.  I’m only asking for a week, for God’s sake!”

Bridget stood up from her desk.  “We are done here.  You have come to me for six months, ungrateful for the job I have given you, and you ask for paid vacation while others are perfectly happy with this arrangement.  I am not going to re-write policy for one person, let alone a part-timer who is consistent whining!”

Tears brimming in her eyes, Carol left and went back to her desk.  She couldn’t show this tyrant her defeat, although she felt defeated and a failure.  She wanted Bridget to at least consider her request just once.  She believed it was a small request that would show little impact.  Two days a week?  Really? This nursing agency can’t afford that?!  C’mon!!

Bridget slammed her door upon the heels of Carol’s exit.  She was billowing with the internal fires of anger.  How dare her, coming in here like a princess, demanding that she have more perks than what we already give!  She is such a pre-madonna witch!!  I oughta just fire her and put myself out of this misery  each month.

A faint knock on the door in intervals of three caught her attention.  “What?!” she shouted.

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“A faint knock on the door…”

“Bridget, a man has been waiting to see you for about 20 minutes, ”  said the receptionist.  “He said he only has 10 more minutes to wait.”

“Tell him that he was late, so he’s just going to have to reschedule,” Bridget barked back.

“Yes, ma’am,  I will tell him, but he is here to audit our files.”  Bridget’s body began to shake, she felt out of control.  “It’s that damn Carol, she started all of this, this morning! “

Bridget instructed the receptionist to detain the auditor just a few more minutes because she had to take care of something extremely important.  The staff could hear her vindictive sounding high heels stomping through the walls of cubicles.  Who will be next?  They were used to this weekly turmoil from Bridget’s office.  Always someone getting reprimanded or fired. They were nearly immune to the continuous drama.

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Her stomps stopped at Carol’s cubicle.  Bridget hovered over Carol as she sat nervously fumbling through papers and not daring to look up at the “monster.”   “Carol?”   Carol did not dare look her in the eye, she trembled with fear.  “I called your name, I deserve your attention, Carol.”   She finally complied with a wincing eye-response.


“Bridget?”  A long pause seemed to suck the air from Carol’s lungs.

“Carol, you have caused my whole day to be disrupted, late for my appointment, and it is 9am and you are not out seeing patients.  How can I expect to run a decent agency when one nurse cannot comply like the rest?”   Carol mustered up the courage to regain her composure.

“But, Bridget?”

“What do you want now, Carol?!” Bridget screamed back in single word accents. ” I have someone important waiting!!”

“Today is my day off.  I came in on my day off to meet with you, so I will not be seeing patients, today.”

“Fine, that’s just fine.  See, you have a day off!  I do not, however, and need to get to an appointment.  You can pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here.  You have caused too much disruption in the flow of work around here!”  With that, Carol experienced a calmness  that seemingly came out of nowhere.  “Not a problem, Bridget.  I will be gone, today.  All of my equipment is setting on the counter.  Have a successful year, Bridget.”

Expecting a fight from Carol, Bridget needed more fuel for her anger.  She stomped back to the front desk where the auditor was waiting.  She shoved her hand in his face, smiled with all teeth, and made her introduction.  She turned dryly and led the man back to her office, again digging her heels into the floor as she walked.

The auditor asked for a glass of water and Bridget stopped for a deep breath,  rolled her eyes, and called the receptionist to bring back a pitcher of water and two glasses.  None of her actions and words went unnoticed by the auditor.  He was within clear ear-shot of the earlier conversation and the eye-roll was the next straw that were tipping the scales of his awaited report.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

“Bridget,  we met three months ago and discussed a few items that did not pass my audit.  Would you present your response and demonstrate the process outcomes?”

“I sent those to you, Mr. Clark, on tie so I thought you were here to clear our response to the discrepancies. Did you receive them?”

“Well, yes, but I need to see how you corrected the process.”

“Oh, the process!  The process, yes.  Well, the nurses took care of that.”

As you read this story, you can see where Bridget’s fate is headed.  What can you point out as some of the key components of how her anger is mounting to an arc, like a flashpoint of fire?

  1.  No filters- speaks in negative terms
  2.  Only one of the side of the story is important- hers
  3.  Blames others for her shortcomings
  4.  Allows impatience to fuel anger
  5.  No compassion
  6.   Seems “put upon” – perhaps a by-product of overwhelm or large undertakings beyond her scope of time or skill
  7.   No delegation of role- did not refer to human resources
  8.   Not a champion for the team- lack of respect
  9.   No leadership skills
  10.   Does not see how her actions affect everyone around her (remember the fearing people in the cubicles?)

It appears that Bridget allowed her anger to surpass what was really important – apparently on a daily basis.

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What? You don’t think these managers still exist in the workplace in our current society of being equal and kind to one another (tongue in cheek)?  Hmmm.  Ask around, they exist more than you know.  What is important is that you recognize it, report it, and possibly offer help to bring balance – if you are that type of person who is strong enough to handle this style of management.  Work with your human resource department, and get some coaching to arm yourself with mental tools to care for yourself.

Now, what to do about Bridget.  Eventually, Bridget was reported by Carol to the human resources director.  With Carol’s persistence and accurate reporting, the human resources department referred Bridget to a coaching program.  Their company had an employee assistance program that included six weeks of coaching.  Of course Bridget was resistant because her anger was still at the arc of destruction – self-destruction and workplace destruction.

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After several phone calls from human resources, and finally a warning, Bridget succumbed and scheduled her first coaching session.  She agreed to “meet” her coach over the phone on her lunch break (which Bridget had to create time for to make this work).

Her assigned coach, Cara, greeted her with openness and grace.  Immediately, Bridget began spewing out all of her woes with work and how she feels like she could die due to all the stress.  She said she was on a heart monitor and taking a sleep study because she cannot sleep and her heart was beating a “million miles a minute.”

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Cara allowed her to download for about 10 minutes and then stopped her to ask a question: “What’s your favorite time of year?”  Bridget stopped her spinning abruptly and answered the question.   Cara always viewed this as the magic that intercepts the arc of anger.  Surprised with the abrupt cadence, Bridget responded, “I like Summer, why?”  And, the healing began.

Bridget attended Cara’s sessions for the maximum allowed, then hired her for the next year.  Bridget had broken a cycle that was causing her suffering for so many years.   Each session brought more clarity of her anger:  she was angry about her father leaving when she was 10, she was the primary caregiver of her siblings when her mother went to night classes, she had no friends at school, she struggled through college; and, the list went on.

All of these incidents and events in her life impacted how she would interpret the journey in her adult life.  ‘Fight them off before they get to know you‘ became her internal mantra.  However, without external intervention she may have lived with this in her mind for the rest of her life, impacting everyone around her and beyond (ever “kicked the cat” when you came home from work? It’s called the domino-effect.).

Bridget took a short leave of absence, at the recommendation of the director.  She was lucky, very lucky to have a director who saw her potential and did not allow Bridget’s emotional “baggage” to cloud what she knew was important: take care of the person and the rest will come.

When Bridget returned to work, she – bravely- held a meeting and shared her journey.  Most of her staff were understanding and willing to start over.  Others had their own arcs of anger that Bridget would embrace as a new journey, just like her boss had done for her.

The agency was able to reclaim their license with Bridget’s new diplomatic process.  She created a new policy for all meetings that included listening to each individual who had something to input.  Bridget made it a priority to really “hear” the complaints and concerns of her staff and to help them make a better impact on the world with their own happiness.   Bridget was finally aligned, balanced and satisfied.

Photo by Oleg Magni on Pexels.com
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What passion rocks your world?

Kat is a professional mentor, author, and women’s advocate who specializes in the art and science of Core Alignment, NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training, and holds a certificate in the Psychology of Happiness.

She offers programs for life and business, featuring Women’s Enrichment Programs and Diversity in Business.Ask about her POW (Power of Wisdom) Tribes! kat@taprootsforlife.com               929-333-4624

Photos from www.pexel.com

Calming the Terrier Mind for Better Focus and Balance

We all have our moments of distraction, right? Well, some of us have so many ideas, deadlines, and media recall running through our minds that distractions come easily, and sometimes with fatalities. Ever realize you drove home from work and don’t remember how you got there?  We have entered the realm of the terrier mind.

This is a quick guide to gather information on resources that could help you become more focused, mindful, and feel more grounded in your daily life.

Have you ever watched one? A terrier, that is. They are quick-witted little dogs that can catch your eye in a second, and that may all the time you get to actually see the cuteness. Terriers dart at anything that catches their attention: leaves falling; walnuts on the ground become toys; paper in the trash can; the merciless cats that “taunt” them; and, of course…squirrels. And they race until the sun goes down. Back and forth, back and forth, halting and darting to every sensory stimulus that sparks their mind.

My point is that our minds can be much like the terrier mind. Do you experience this? I do, at times. Especially as a writer! Ideas, ideas, everywhere ideas. So many ideas, so little time. And, I could write on and on about this topic…but! I will not bore you with that rabbit hole – which is a whole different subject. And, by the way, terriers do love rabbit holes!

Let’s take a gaze into a person’s life on the job. Emily is a senior manager at her lobbying firm. She worked hard to get there because of her keen attention to detail, her talent for vision, and her sense of focus. After five years, Emily had built several working teams, improved her bottomline, landed multiple accounts with top executive businesses, and managed to pull off Business Woman of the Year.Blurred Colored Lights

In her sixth year, something shifted for Emily. She was feeling worn out at the end of her usual twelve-hour day. She noticed that she had more than her fair share of colds and flu-bugs. Her mental and emotional fuses became short when people would ask her simple questions or ask her to do a presentation for an inquiring business. Emily could not seem to find the balance between work and home. She lost interest in working out and playing sports. Emily had finally succumbed to her terrier mind!

Few people can continue to multi-task, engage every thought, and be successful for very long. And even fewer people make it out alive (not kidding), never addressing the real cause and effect: terrier mind plus burnout equals health decline (sometimes heart attacks and other life limiting illnesses).

Anyone reading this blog is a talented person with a brilliant mind, yet something drew you to this particular article.  You guessed it! The terrier mind was at it again!!  So, what if you could train your terrier mind to have the focus  and balance you’ve longed for?  What difference would it make for you?  How would your life change?  Yep, that’s what I thought.  I’ll bet you could answer those questions very quickly!

So!  Where do we go from here?  There are many books on how to attain focus, zen meditations, years of counseling, massage and any of the arts that point to relaxation of the mind.  And, I am not discounting any of these services – they are needed and have certainly found their niche in personal wellness.  But, it takes a little more than a weekend or one session to discover and re-train a “mental program” that has been running in your head for some time.  This terrier mind can be re-trained!

In fact, to re-train your mind is not only essential to regaining balance and focus, it

Csikszentmihalyi
Csíkszentmihályi, 2010- Courtesy of Wikipedia

is also beneficial for your health.  Remember the ads for senior citizens that tell the audience to get out and learn something new?  It is the same concept.  Engage in new thought patterns – live longer and healthier!

According to Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi, Hungarian-American psychologist, when focused on a task that brings happiness, one experiences “flow.”  It is a state of concentration where time and space become non-existent.  While many people do not work in jobs that bring this state, it becomes important to us to either choose a job that embraces a passion that we envision; or, train our minds to bring this sense of focus and flow to our existing life and work.

Glasses on Book-SketchI know, as a writer, that I can write for hours, sometimes days, without realizing any sense of time, space or anything going on around me.  It is a place of complete focus and happiness.  This always been easy and natural for me.  The balance, however, I had to work on.  We can become so absorbed in this focus that other responsibilities can fall to the wayside.

So, what is the answer?  Remember the terrier mind and the re-training that I mentioned earlier?  Re-training the mind is possible through utilizing NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) and Emotional Wisdom Training (EWT).  These terms get thrown around a lot in social media and other big box advertising for coaching.  Here are some statements that sets NLP and EWT practices apart from others:

Kate Michels

1. A coach, mentor, or counselor (practitioner) who uses NLP or EWT (coined by Kate Michels, Psychologist) will only guide a client.  He/she does not suggest or re-train your mind for you.

2.  It is not hypnotherapy, but uses the same concept, except you are completely awake and conscious.  You are in control of the path you choose with your practitioner.

3. Re-training your mind for long term pattern change cannot be done in a weekend.  It took years for your beliefs and patterns to form so it takes a little time to re-train; sort of like learning to ride a bike again after years of not riding.

4.  Combined, EWT and NLP follow an artful method to practice with clients and the science to back it up.  EWT/NLP practitioners are trained in the cause and effect of emotions and the gentle way of assisting a client down those paths of former mental programs without dwelling in the emotion.   Outcomes are subtle, yet very powerful. Suddenly, one might realize that they are acting or speaking differently than before, for example.  They, also, realize that this is the path they chose and attained.

5.  Practitioners become adept at coaching/mentoring with practice.  Most schools do not offer a period of working with real clients in order to experience all types of behaviors.  It is also important to hire a NLP practitioner who also practices EWT.  Ask the questions.

6.  A client may work on one pattern of behavior at a time.  One cannot fix all mental programs in a few weeks.  The client chooses, with the practitioner, what they want to work on and the idea becomes the focus throughout the weeks of mentoring/coaching.

7.  Re-aligning the mind for focus and balance is a moderately timed methodical approach to lasting results

8.  Here are some quick resources:

Professional Mentoring   Schedule a free session with a Professional Mentor and experience the methods described in this blog.

Professional Coach Training:  Learn more about how to become a professional coach with training that focuses on the art, psychology, and scientific methods that bring results.

NLP Coaching Resource Search for a coach or mentor that best fits what you wish to change or improve

I took the methodical approach for myself and put in the time to re-train my mind through many limiting beliefs that I created over time, abuses that I experienced, and built up terrier mind thought processes that were not serving me, and were creating a field of illness all around me.  This was, and still is, time well spent to create a healthier outlook on life, healthier body, deeper sense of spirit, and experience the utmost – balance and happiness!

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What passion rocks your world?

Kat is a Professional Success Catalyst  and Mind Alchemist who specializes in the art and science of Core Alignment, NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training, and holds a certificate in the Psychology of Happiness.

She offers programs for life and business, featuring Women’s Enrichment Programs and Diversity in Business.

Ask about her POW (Power of Wisdom) Tribes! kat@taprootsforlife.com               929-333-4624

 

 

Join My Journey of the Mind!

In the past year, I have been exploring more of what makes business owners tick or dance to their own drum. I didn’t quite get it until I was challenged to switch gears in my own business…like…within 24 hours.

While I had been coaching small businesses owned by women over the past three and a half years, I was staying within the same circle of the 1-2 person business. My coach (yes, coaches have coaches, too) issued the task of creating a business model to service other businesses, big ones…like over 500 employee big ones!

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After I hiccuped coffee on the front of myself, I responded with recuperated grace and sheepish response, “of course I want to grow my business, sir.” I laid out my best excuses, however, to defend my current success: “But, my current business model allows me to work from home, and I don’t believe I have the accounting background to coach large businesses, and I don’t, I don’t have enough experience or polish or …”

I had to stop myself from the now recognizable excuses that I was giving to a man who had died three times and lived to be a buff and robustly healthy- looking man; and, another man who was a millionaire from the time he was twenty-five. I realized that I was not going to get passed the two of them who were opening this glossy gate of opportunity that looked so intimidating.

The last word to my excuses, however, never flowed from my lips because it was this word that kept me back: COURAGE  Yep, with all that I have been through and experienced in my life, that word nearly rolled off my tongue. But, it didn’t. Not this time.

You see, this time, I caught myself in the midst of my “whining” and realized that for every excuse I gave my coaches, they had been there and came back from it. This is what we can receive from a great coach, and a great business owner. They’ve been there. This is why they help others. And the aha! moment came…this is why I coach others.  I have knowledge, experience and stories to help people and businesses take short cuts, just like my coaches were attempting to do with me!  pexels-photo-935870.jpeg

There is a spirit among us business owners that each time we face a challenge, we mentally spin first, then take the reigns and say,”giddyap!”  And guess what?  Each of us is… human: we have families, we have cub scouts, soccer games, aging parents, broken bones, arthritis, cancer, and lists and lists of things we need to accomplish.  There is a recognizable rhythm that each of us carries as we walk, talk, sleep and do.  It’s called passion.  This fire in our gut that gives us full steam ahead to meet the challenge.  It’s not for the faint of heart.

So, my friends, I am on this big journey to challenge myself, learn, and grow some courage to do something so huge that I never dreamed it could be so-o-o terrifying, yet so exciting to hop on this ride.

Are you with me on a similar journey? I won’t give away my secret mission until I accomplish it, and I will accomplish it.

Buddhist Monks on Roller CoasterLet’s do this together. Choose something that sparks your passion and puts a bit of fear in your gut. This is the beginning feeling, like when you are riding a roller coaster and are at the crest of the hill, knowing what is ahead. Well, this is just the beginning! There are many crests in the hill of trying something new, but letting the downward rush carry you is such a thrill.

What will your ride look like? Is it writing a book, learning the guitar, or sharpening your valuable skills into that business that you always wanted to pursue?

Come along with me. Walk on the wild side of this journey.
I now challenge you to take that big step. Clear the mind, take a deep breath and walk into the journey to mastery. Experience the flow as you do what feels right to you.

As I take on this challenge, I encourage those of you, who will follow to open a business, to hire two types of coaches: a business coach and a life coach  Each one offers a diverse set of skills, knowledge and approach.

For those who are not tight-rope walking dare devils, and want to just learn something new but have a resistance,  reach out to a Life Coach, a Voice Coach, a Real Estate Coach (yes, there is such a thing!), or any style of coach that helps you develop your skill, your confidence, and your yearning to keep trying something new or embrace change.  Do your homework in seeking a good coach and you will be enjoying that downward rush into upward growth, success and fulfillment in no time!

Sending you my most heartfelt wishes to many successes ahead!

~Kat

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What passion rocks your world?

Kat is a Professional Success Catalyst who specializes in the art and science of Core Alignment, NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training, and holds a certificate in the Psychology of Happiness.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve management skills,  build confidence, find balance, respond to stress, build effective teams, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is to help others think independently, creatively, and to grow from their experience

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kat@taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

Taming the Chaos Dragon, and Finding Peace

Let’s call her Sarah:  “My kids are driving me nuts!  I took off work for this today!! My keys are locked in the car, I’m screaming for help, we are late to a doctor’s appointment, I’m banging my fists on the window because my 3-year old hpexels-photo-133021.jpegas locked the car. I can’t calm my kids down, ever! They never listen to me. This is my life every single day!”

And then, there is Nicholas: “My boss is always on my back. He finds every little thing wrong with my work, my outlook, my clothes.  He’s just a crazy old B@$!@rd that doesn’t know what he’s doing.  Why does this always seem to happen to me?  This is the third job in a row where the boss is just not respectful to me!” man-people-office-writing.jpg

If we were to ask Sarah and Nicholas if this is what they want for their lives, we can be sure they would say, absolutely not!  These are real people that we meet every day.  Perhaps their scenario is a bit different, but the stressors are there – even in our own lives.  Every second!

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Each day seems to add more frustration from the previous day, until you have built one giant Chaos Dragon!  It claws at you looking for more fodder to grow and destroy you, You have no choice but to give in, you say.

Let’s stop for a moment: If you give in, you give up.  If you keep going the same way, you keep feeding the dragon.  So, what is the solution, then?!  You say:  I’m about to crash here, and your talking about dragons.  Give me the scoop on how to be that Whisperer thingy!”

Okay.  Here you go!

Become the Chaos Dragon Whisperer by following these steps:

1.  Wield your Power: Know What you Want  pexels-photo-462353.jpeg

What lifestyle do I reeaallly want for myself?  What makes that important to me?  What will I have when I get the lifestyle I want?

quote-chalk-think-words.jpgOnly state the positive ideas, and your vision of what you want.  Think of it as negative attracts negative and positive attracts positive.

There is power in handwriting out your vision on paper.

2.  Be Humble: ASK!  pexels-photo-221164.jpeg

The majority of you may skip this step, but it is the next important step to bringing peace to your life.

When you realize what you want, now it is time to ask for it.  Tell everyone what you want, ask them if they know someone who lives this lifestyle. Ask questions, be curious. Just talk about it!  It becomes reality, you’ll see.

3.  Command your Space: Show Up  business-innovation-money-icon-40218.jpeg

If you show up to a party and don’t dance or partake in the festivity, have you really shown up?

How do you show up for yourself?  When you find out what you want, what steps will you take to get there?  Then show up for each one, be present, BE the LIFESTYLE you want!  Is your life dream to be a barista at a coffee shop?  Then BE the barista!  Volunteer if you have to.  Step into the role.

4.  Push Onward: Keep your Promise  pexels-photo-669986.jpeg

When you tell a child that you promise them something, do they ever forget? No, they will hold you to it and not let you forget it…even months from now.

Now, let’s take that same strategy we had as kids and apply it to your current life.  Stay the course of the lifestyle you want.  Is it working on the beach from your laptop?  Create the beach, show up, keep your promise.

Do you keep promises to others; or, do you waffle and make excuses?  Aaah,  there it is.  If you cannot keep promises to others, how can you keep a promise to yourself?  Stay the course, my friend.  Stay the course.

5.  Be the Master: Be Gratefulpexels-photo-424517.jpeg

There are health benefits to having gratitude in your life.  When we are healthy and aligned (think mind, body, spirit), we tend to take life less seriously.  We begin to notice this subtle shift in our lives that brings understanding and peace.  It is learning life mastery!

Many successful people talk about having gratitude in their day and how it helps them be mindful and present of what is really important in life.  Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, and John F. Kennedy, to name a few.

Peace and success are attainable by everyone, when we explore, discover, and act on these steps to tame the Chaos Dragon.

Life becomes more manageable and the ripple effect moves to our family, relationships, our workplace, and anyone we touch.  We become a voice for peace in our lives and it becomes natural.  People notice and internally say, “I want some of that!”  And you just beam, knowing that the Chaos Dragon is back in his cave and peace reigns in world, again.  You are the MASTER!

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Peace is possible for everyone!

Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is to be a voice for peace and to help others understand, love, and live peaceful lives.

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Leadership: InPower? or EMpower?

With the recent occurrences in our world, I felt compelled to write about the attributes of a true leader in any situation, whether it be in our family, at school, at work, social networks and other places where leadership can elevate or sabotage an event or situation.

In my years of management, I experienced empowering mentors and ineffective mentors.  While the empowering mentors helped me grow, the ineffective ones also taught me a lot about growth in a different manner.

I will share a couple stories that bring out the qualities that make someone ineffective as a leader in an organization, and share other stories that create a spark in the consciousness that make people come alive in a work setting.

file8841263254299I was already a single mom in my 20’s, a budding manager,and excited to help people succeed. I knew I had a lot to learn and looked up to my superiors to teach me the ropes.  What I quickly learned was that not all managers were effective.

Maureen (not her real name) was an experienced nurse in her prime years of care for patients.  She partnered with another nurse and created a successful hospice service to patients experiencing end of life.

Maureen shared with me that the only reason she became a nurse was that she was forced by her parents to choose a profession and that it was mandatory that she attend a prestigious college.  Her decision was to become a nurse because it was the shortest path to gaining a degree that her parents desired for her. This was Maureen’s path.

I attended my interview Maureen and her partner, complete with suit, pumps, and pad and paper for notes. I answered their questions and shared my experience.  I liked the diversity of the two personalities and enjoyed the short conversation.  I walked away from the interview not knowing if I was hired.  Two days later, I received the call:  “You’re hired.”

In my five years with this organization, I created better communication, scheduling practices, and earned the owners’ trust in running the organization in their absence.  But, then the abuse arrived at my door like a thief in the night.

Maureen lived in a world of fear, hatred, and self-doubt.  She was used to gettangry-womaning what she wanted no matter how unrealistic or painful it was for others around her.  She stomped her feat, screamed, and slammed doors.  This was her management style.  The company’s turnover hovered around 75%.  But, I was not a quitter.

I soon became known by my peers as the “whipping post” for everything that went wrong, even though I was not technically overseeing anything, except those I oversaw in a closely controlled, loosely described supervisory role.  I knew this would be the case, but I was just learning and at the bottom rungs of my career.  I could take a little abuse (I had already been there, I thought, with an abusive husband).

One day, Maureen, came to me and openly reversed on a principle that she made known to everyone in the organization.  She told me to do something morally wrong that served her purpose to appear “large” in the eyes of a client, who was well-known in the community.

file4781300045861Humbly, I repeated her principle back to her and she came unglued. Big mistake on my part. Her arms began flailing in the air, her eyes on fire, feet stomping, and her voice raged like the fury of a mother jaguar.  She came at me, all five feet of scrambled wildness to my five foot nine.  She wrinkled her face, lunged up at me, and screamed for over five minutes.  After a minute, it was like hearing the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons: “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.”  Then…silence came.  I drew in a deep breath and without a beat,  calmly asked her if she was finished and said, ” Thank you, may I get back to work, now?”

Maureen spiraled around in a fit of flames, stomped to her office and flung the door shut, creating a jarring slam that I am convinced woke the dead.   Nothing was resolved, and I was still sitting with a dilemma that could have lost us a very valuable account.

This was my first experience with a manager who had no respect for herself or others. She never took time to understand a person or situation before losing her true identity as a caring person (who was, sadly, lost).  There is more to this story, but I digress and put this one on a shelf to tell you about an effective manager.

About ten years later, I was hired as a manager to an international organization that provided internal service to hospitals.  I worked for seven years before making it to corporate management.  Just prior to getting there, I was under the direction of a boss who looked out for people. He helped them become successful.  He asked their opinions, offered engagement in processes.  He valued the people who worked with him. He went by the name Garvey.

Garvey took time with me when I was frustrated that I could not get buy-in from the teams on some of my projects.  He taught me about people and the importance of meeting them where they are.  Further, he saw something in me that I knew, but never really took it to heart.

Garvey asked me, “Do you believe that leaders are created or born?”  I truly believed that leaders could be both.  I believed there were leaders who were ineffective – think Hitler – and those who empowered others -think Mother Teresa.   Garvey and I got along quite well, and he became my professional mentor.  He helped me learn how to take over his job.  I came from the same school of thought – teach others to be at least as successful as me.

One day, I was called into Garvey’s conference room “office.” He traveled to multiple locations within the region.  He said, “shut the door and lock it behind you, we are going to have a discussion.”  Needless to say, I was very concerned. Very…

“Kat,” Garvey said, “I want you to know some things about your management style and what you do with your skills.” Now, I was seriously contemplating handing him a resignation.  “You possess the skills of a leader that I have not seen in a long time.”  As I wiped the sweat from my brow and shook my head, I felt myself looking around to see who he was talking to.  I relaxed into the conversation.

Garvey was talking in a very serious manner.  He had my attention.  “You will be the next regional manager,” he said.  I was speechless.  The silence felt like hours.  I gulped and responded, “But, Garvey, I have no formal degree, or any accounting background, or…”

“Stop,” he said.  “Hear me out. You possess the qualities of a good leader.  You’re not perfect, but you know it.  You set a standard, hold people accountable, but teach them how to be successful. These are the signs of a true leader in my book.”

I nearly cried to hear these words, especially since I recalled the prior conversation when he informed me of his belief that leaders were born.  He really believed that!  So, I sucked up my “girliness” and choked back the tears.  I began to feel my confidence rise with his words.  I felt like I had real purpose in this huge company where employee’s ambitions easily became homogenized, for lack of solid managers to support them.

Later in the year, Garvey retired, and the next director called me into his office.  He said the familiar words I learned about leadership, and I was promoted to the next regional manager -over thirteens states.  My time with Garvey, and other effective mentors along the way, had been fruitful.  I put in the work and it paid off.

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Today, I  have learned so many lessons: from others, and my own shortcomings, as well as the celebrated successes in life and business.  I am now an empowered woman in her golden years, still leading with my love for people and helping them get to a place that brings empowerment to their own lives- a place of happiness and freedom.  I am ever so grateful for the people like Maureen and Garvey who taught me so much about the person I’ve always wanted to be.

 

 

When we empower ourselves, we have completed our own  basic need for attention, the need to feel validated or heard.  We begin to see ourselves in others’ eyes, seeing our own places of opportunity while being grateful to be in the presence of these teachers in our lives.

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Nurturing Voices to be Heard

Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

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Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

The Silver Lining of my Soul

This week, I was blessed with a visit from a young lady, named Bella, who is about to start her life in the adult world.  She expressed her fears of becoming an adult.  Bella’s fears were simple and reminiscent of when I was her age.   I listened intently as her youthful light shone through her eyes.

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While Bella was excited to step out into the life she had created so far, she was terrified of “growing up.”  Bella feared responsibility and independence because it seemingly lacked freedom from this young view.  She had seen so many of her friends fail at the forefront of their careers and family life.  Bella saw the struggles of her married friends as young parents trying to make ends meet. It all seemed so confining from experiences of life she lived as a child.

But, Bella lent me some insight to her worries,  because I began to recall the same worries at her tender age, and, now in my late 50’s those fears and obstacles were shadows of the past.  However, this young curious woman gave me a new view:  There is more information for this generation than ever before.  Information that can assist them in taking short cuts:  blogs, search engines, libraries, videos, and…the wisdom from their elders.

When Bella came to me, her words made me realize that I had grown into my own wisdom that she sought for herself.  I was flattered.  As we emerged from our chat, mentor to client, we began our curious conversation toward her new outlook on life.

It is to young Bella, I dedicate the poem I wrote this morning.  These words for the little wisdom I had when I was young, facing one tragedy after another; yet, it was not all for nothing as I realized much later in life.

My life and its striving moments has meant something.  And now I see the great moments that have brought me courage, curiosity, and a new vigor for life.  I share this with Bella and see a bright future where she will share the same to inspire others.

I hop0f0d060d4e0cb3ce3c17409e4246694ee this poem will inspire you in some way with just a thought that will bring light to your day.

In my youth, I would fear:
That I will grow old
My body will falter
My hair will  gray
My eyes will  fail
My hearing will wane
I will walk bent over
My hands will tremble
My face will sag
I will forget things
My speech will lag.

In my Golden Years I Know:women-1013116_1920
There’s a new world each day
Filled with hope and surprise
I am thankful for each moment
My eyes are able to see
I am grateful for each day
I feel and I love
I find joy in seeing youth grow
In my heart and in my soul
My body is not important
Because my spirit flows free

The young person in me only saw the outer cover of the core of who I was.  I wanted things, I saw things, I feared things.  There was a lack of love for myself, confidence was low, and my vision was cloudy.   I felt I deserved nothing, but if I looked good no one would notice…never leaving the house without a smile, or nice clothes, or showing up with make-up being perfect, covering the internal…and external…bruises.

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I walked through life only as a shadow of what the world brought to me.  I would react to its harshness,  because, truthfully, my ego was on a mountain shouting its anger and fear.  I traded dignity for ways to be heard and acknowledged, attempting to feel fulfilled.  Life brought some really tough lessons, because I did not really pause to listen to my inner wisdom.  To listen to that voice that had been telling me that this is not who you really are.

Mother Nature and the world around saw where I was headed, and it was disastrous.  Failed relationships, lack of direction, no faith in any higher power. I was broken and felt alone.  My children suffered, my parents suffered, my friends left me, and I was alone in the darkness with my empty self.

The only hope I held was that my children, and grandchildren to follow, would not suffer as I did.  I would educate them on what they should and should not do.  I would shelter them from harm at any diversion in the road of life.

But…as I grew older, I began to understand that life is what you create.  When my children left home to live their own lives, I began to ponder what was important. What would my life now look like?  How would I now shelter my children and my grandchildren from the harm of making rash decisions?

I didn’t know what that life looked like until I learned that my entire life had already been lived from my soul.  Many times I did not recognize it for the shadows of my superficial material world.  It was important to me to look good, even though I was living in a vacuum of self-destruction.  I drank, disrespected my body, slept a lot, and starved myself of self-love and respect. I was unhappy with my life, unhappy with me.

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My experience of knowing the wisdom and living it and, knowing the wisdom and rejecting it was the key to the answer of how I lived my life to this day.  The days that I rejected my own wisdom were the days that were so dark and so dreary that I could not see the truth in myself.  The truth that I was a loving, deserving, confident single mother, who loved life and the people in it.  At the time, I missed the message.

My children were my hope for the future.  But, what was I teaching them?  It was a long road of self-discovery.  I sought the wisdom of a Catholic priest and I scheduled counseling for myself and children.   My children had become my teachers.  I did not always make wise decisions for them, and we all learned the hard way.   I began to observe their behaviors at school, with their friends and at home.  This life wasn’t what I wanted for them.

One evening, I found myself in a bar that was, well, not a very reputable place for men, let alone women.  The women who visited this place were hard, did time, and drank…a lot.  I had become friends with the bar tender because I had become her confidante for her personal and work life problems.  People at this place somehow thought I had it “all together, ”  to trust me with their hard luck stories. I didn’t care, I just wanted someone to talk to.  Anyone, just anyone who didn’t need a diaper change, a medical treatment to breathe (a son with Cystic Fibrosis), or want something more than I could provide.

As I sat there on the bar stool talking with Mel (Bartender),  a “old” grade school buddy sat beside me.  He sat in silence for awhile without addressing me.  We were classmates at a Catholic grade school.   Finally, Bill looked over at me, as he gulped down a swig of beer.  “Girl, what are you doing here?”  I responded with my cheeky answer, “having a beer, why?”  Bill looked at me with his concerning brown eyes, “Sweet girl, you do not belong in a place like this.  Come with me.”  I felt ashamed and allowed Bill to lead me out the door.

Bill drove me to his home, nearby.  He poured a glass of wine and we toasted to old memories.  At the end of the short evening, he leaned over and looked me closely in the eyes.  “Will you promise me that you will never go back to that place, again? You deserve better.  Your kids deserve a mom who is there for them. You are not that kind of a girl.”

Bill squeezed my shoulders in a deep, loving hug – like a father would give.  I left Bill’s place that night, wondering what it was that I was missing.  I was so confused about who I was, I wasn’t raised this way.  I left that evening, however, with a sense of comfort, knowing that my  true friends looked out for me when I most needed it.  Bill was such a friend.

Prior to that evening, I had many opportunities to wake up and pull it together, but it was Bill’s words that stung so hard “you are not that kind of a girl.”  What kind of girl had I become?  As I repeated the thought in my head, it ran deeper and deeper into my core so deep that I cried for hours over what I was really doing versus who I knew my self to be.  I had been wandering down a path of fire on both sides, wavering from side to side in a state of subconscious regret, fear, anger.  It was burning me up alive, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

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Bill saved my life that night.  There were so many ways I could have gone, but I finally listened to the words that I had heard over and over at that god-forsaken bar.  But, because Bill and I were friends, it became glaringly clear to hear it from his mouth.

It was not long after my seemingly coincidental visit with Bill, that I began to pull my life together.  I was not only dressing nicely on the outside, I took care of my inside (my soul).  My mind had somehow relaxed when I accepted what I heard from Bill.  It was all, by no means, a mistake or coincidence.  I began to listen to my surroundings and become aware of what was falling down around me.  I was realizing that I was responsible for my own future, this current life didn’t have to be this way.

As my mind became clearer on what I wanted, events began to occur.  I was referred by my former boss to another company and my career began to take off.  My confidence began to strengthen, I was smiling more.  Conflicts did not seem to bother me, as they once did.

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My successes became more frequent, my children were happier, I met a loving man.  These were miracles that came to my life with just one conversation and tuning my attention to what was really important to me.

I did not do this all alone, however.  I can not imagine taking on such a personal growth without guidance from someone who really cared about my welfare.  I found ways to afford counselors, coaches, and massage therapists.  I wanted to bring holistic approach to the value of my healing.

Even now, as I move toward 60 years old, I seek coaches and mentors who bring a holistic approach to my ongoing journey as a confident, loving, and caring wise woman who wants the same for everyone on this planet.  I have learned that no one is broken, they just have different information; and, gathering information gives us the best chance in making the best possible decisions for our lives as we are all learning how to live from our souls.woman-570883_1920

So, Bella, as you read this message, I smile and see your bright and shiny future that lies ahead like a diamond lit path.  There will be flaws in the diamonds, but it is there you will find your strengths and truths.  Ask questions, be curious, for it is also there that you will find your wisdom within.  It is in those moments that we truly shine in our vulnerability, standing out with love in our heart, that we find the silver lining to our soul’s purpose and speak from our voice of wisdom.

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Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

taproots-for-life-logo-medium-web

 

Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mind Power!

As a Professional Core Alignment Mentor, I find that one of the many quandaries people face when asked what they want is that they really don’t know.   I may then ask someone, “What is important to you?”  They might answer, “My family is important to me, my financial security, health.”    A few might give a first response of, “Wow, that’s a tough question, I really don’t know.”  So, most people know what is important to them, but do they really know what they want?

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When I was a child, I dreamed of things I would do if I didn’t have parents around telling me what to do.  While this seems like I was against my parents, it was an innocent place in the mind of a child.  If I didn’t have chores, or didn’t have to babysit my siblings, or had a car to go wherever I wanted, I could really BE somebody.  Yeah, that’s what I want, to be somebody.  

At the time, I was too young to realize that being somebody was already in the formative process and that I was being a little too impatient in that journey.  But, not knowing that information didn’t stop me from dreaming or beginning to write and sketch them out on paper.

While on a vacation in 1973, I sat in the backseat of my parents station wagon with my five younger siblings.  It was an hour trip, so I decided to pull out my sketch pad and draw what was hanging in my mind for awhile.  I wanted to capture this image or it would fade from memory.  I began to sketch what my dream house would look like.  I was fourteen.

When I was seven, I knew that I wanted to help people in some way when I grew up.  I wrote to the missionaries serving in foreign countries, and gave my allowance to help starving children.  I didn’t know what I would do to help people in my future, but knew in my heart that this “spoke” to me.

My parents built a solid foundation of parenting their children with strong convictions to faith and loyalty to family.   Creativity was encouraged in our family.  The artistic roots ran deep and rich with music, quilt making, medicine making, healing, writing,  painting, cooking, and farming.  bonfire-1867275_1920

Dreaming, however, was not talked about.  Dreams were “out there” and reality was “here.”   The consensus was that you were born into your work or just got a job to make money; and, that miracles only happened back in “spiritual history” times.

Jump forward to 1994.  I married my second husband in the summer of 1992, and we had settled in to a nice house in the suburbs of St. Louis.  In the hot summer of ’94, the kids were away visiting their father.  My husband and I decided to take this time to finally sort through our belongings to consolidate boxes that we had not completed when we moved into our house.

I located a large box that contained a number of memorabilia from my childhood.  I found the sketch of my childhood dream house.  I called my husband over to look at it.  He said, “Cool!  When did you have time to draw that?”  I replied, “I drew this when I was fourteen.”

“No way!” my husband shouted.  I was taken back by his response, misunderstanding that he thought I couldn’t have possibly had the talent to draw such a picture.

“What do you mean?”

” I mean that, well…come let me show you.”  With sketch in hand and with excitement, he pulled me down our hallway and through the front door.  He guided me to stand on the street and look at our house.  Well, readers: you tell me, does this look like the house I sketched when I was fourteen?

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Our minds are an amazing phenomenon.  Science is still researching how our minds are capable of guiding our future, our bodies, and our healing.  This much I know:  any time I wrote down what I wanted, I received it.  And, people who use their mind as their power are typically highly successful people.  They create bucket lists, they draw pictures, make collages of what they truly want to pursue.

Not everyone knows what they want, so it takes the guidance of a teacher, a counselor, friend, or an educated mentor/coach, to help us to explore what is really important and possible in our lives.  Finding miracles that are already there waiting for us to uncover.

Some of you might say, “Well, you did it Kat, without a coach.”  My answer is, partially yes.  Along the way, I hired mentors and coaches who helped me get answers for the things I wanted in life for me and for my family.   It wasn’t until two years ago that I had come full circle from my seven year old desire to help others in a profound way.

“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.” ~ Oprah

Remember my story about when I was seven?  In the raw stages of our development, our minds are wide open to dreams, learning, and filtering.  We are aligned with our mind, body and spirit, taking notes and storing it for future use.  My mind held that deep belief that I would some day help people in extraordinary ways.

Today,  I help people to overcome their fears, anxieties and barriers and to live a life of understanding with peace of mind and the grounded feeling of joy.  Mentoring causes a ripple effect in people’s lives.  My experiences become the teacher and my mind remembers a beautiful, lasting legacy of who I was and who I have become.  I still create in my mind of who I profess to be and will always work towards being my best to serve others.  This is my dream and my miracle.

I wish you all the best you can be with the information you have; make your lists and bring mind power to your world!!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAKat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence, respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people awaken the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

 

Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

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I Will NEVER Lose!

Over the weekend, I met with family and friends in celebration of the holidays of Easter and Passover.  Many curious and interesting conversations occurred, along with an occasional “we’ll agree to disagree” discussion, as family tends to engage at times.

At the Kohler house, our family frequently likes to put our competitiveness to test on the dining room table with a game of Mexican train dominoes.  Why it is called that, I’ll never know, but the difference is that you create the chain of dominoes from a hub instead of one domino and that several chains can be played.  Nonetheless, it becomes seemingly more competitive than regular dominoes- which is par for our family.Dominoes

Even six year old little Vivi is playing this game, now.  She is gradually establishing where her role lies in the world of teens and adults in our family, as she is the youngest grandchild and the rest are at least 6 years older than her.    She has learned some difficult lessons about winning and losing in childhood games and now has come to face the “big guns” in a wild game of Mexican train dominoes.  She knows the stakes are high, because winning could fuel her position as the youngest, but most daring and powerful in this family of die-hard competitors.

Grandma played the game, too. And, as grandmas do she helped Vivi at first.  Until….Grandma found out how “up-on-the-game” Vivi had become.  She was now competing on the same level as the adults!   Vivi’s biggest competitor?  Her eleven year-old cousin Zach.  He was ferociously driven to win.  Vivi knew this, so she would focus mindfully on his every calculated move. You win Cap

At times throughout the game there was a waxing and waning of who might be the next winner.   Grandma would have less dominoes, then Vivi had two left, but Zach had one.  This went on for about 10 minutes.  Everyone on the table thought Zach would win, but his mother…at the last minute, snatched up the last move and won – even when Aunt Kat tried to help Vivi with the last move she had left.

sadgirlVivi hung her head in defeat.  This was a big game for her.  Everyone re-assured her that there is more than one loss in the game.  She eventually came around and broke a little smile.  Zach then proudly announced, “I never lose, I just haven’t won yet!”   The silence was golden as everyone was pondering his proclamation.  We broke into laughter and I looked over at Zach and said, “Zach, that is a very healthy way to look at it.  I may use that in my blog this week, and help my clients see a new positive way of losing when the chips are down.”   He merely smiled sheepishly, as he realized he said something very profound.

From the mouths of babes, as the old phrase goes, we find such rich unleashed thought if we merely listen and allow our internal self-doubt chatter to relax.  From the time we are infants we begin to build belief patterns, such as “I’ll never measure up, I’ll never be enough, or I’ll never win.”   These are created from experiences, whether good, tragic, or indifferent, when we formed our opinions and beliefs about occurrences.  Our feelings are real, but may or may not define what truly happened.  Did we not measure up because we felt that someone else should have met our expectations, only to allow ourselves to be let down?

In the case of the domino game, the players at the table were engaged to win.  They had a healthy attitude and the adults and older child had many experiences of losing when the six year old only had a few.  The six year old utilized her experiences of losing to protect her ego by appearing disgruntled and making snarky remarks.

Can you relate to this story?  I can.  I recall many times in my past when I felt defeated, put upon by others, feeling the rug pulled out from under me and side-swiped by others remarks or just felt like a loser.  And…this feeling is not limited to six-year olds!

Zach’s response in end of the game made me think of how many of times I hear the negative side of someone feeling down or like they lost at life.  My understanding of Zach’s perspective was that he was choosing not to lose, but to learn that he can take away information from the game towards his next win.

Zach was not always a good sport about losing, but has learned quickly through a method of positive reinforcement (most likely from his parents), that he can change how he responds to challenging situations.  It becomes empowering.

Most kids start out with an idea of what winning means.  This has been influenced by outside factors such as peers, teachers, siblings, parenting, family cultures, and media. Over time, as they grow and add more to their memory bank of experiences, the mind begins to form opinions and beliefs based on those occurrences and surrounding  influences.

Kids sharing icecreamWhen a continuous flow of positive reinforcement in the family exists, healthier responses take place and there is a different flow in the household.  One of my parent clients have described this flow as an indescribable calm at the dinner table.  She has been a client for nearly a year, and has seen a difference in her family dynamics when she was able to change her own thought process to better parenting.

My client has made comments like, “my life is a lot less stressful,” and “I now feel at peace with myself and have a new sense of confidence [as a parent].”   board-142741_1920

Remember six year old Vivi?  After the game, her snarkiness subsided and losing didn’t seem so bad, afterall.  Thank you, Zach!

 

HippyKat

 

Kat is a Professional Core Alignment Mentor who specializes in the art and science of NeuroLinguistic Programming and Emotional Wisdom Training.

She has helped many people realize their own potential, improve parenting, build confidence,  respond more wisely to stress, and more.

Kat’s practice spans the globe for English-speaking people.  Her passion is helping people find the light of wisdom within themselves to live a life of joy.

Contact:  info@taprootsforlife.com

Site:  https://taprootsforlife.com

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